on a lighter note...

[thriller]

Quickie in the Bushes



There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.



The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'



He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery



The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.



After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.



The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?'



He asks her 'Shall we?'



She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I 'll hold the

Pigeon down and you shit on its head.'



AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???

 

[Hogpatrol]

 

[ArmyGrunt]

Yes!

 

[ArmyGrunt]

 

[ArmyGrunt]

Any truth to this one?

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=515537658964030

 

[observe]

 

[observe]

 

[observe]

 

[Hogpatrol]

A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry. As they went by the Tower of London the cab driver explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412.
The Texan replied, "Shoot, a little old tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!"
Next they passed the House of Parliament - started in 1544 and completed in 1618.
"Well boy, we put up a bigger thing than that in Dallas and it only took a year!"
As they passed Westminster Abbey the cab driver was silent.
"Whoah! What's that over there?" asked the Texan.
The driver replied, "I don't know, it wasn't there yesterday."

 

[Hogpatrol]

 

[Bushpig4Ever]

 

[observe]

 

[Newboomer]

A guy comes up to the counter with his purchase. The clerk rings it up and asks,"Would you like a bag?"
The guy says,"No, thanks. I got rid of her a long time ago."

 

[Newboomer]

And now my mind hurts again!

You must be a realist: the glass is always totally full of something!

This engineer does not agree with your assumption.

View attachment 270211

Yeah, leave it to an engineer to complicate the hell out of a simple problem.

 

[Newboomer]

Don't play with sharp pointy things.....

View attachment 57384

The wife got pissed.

 

[Newboomer]

A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.

The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2.There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey. He did not bet his ass.

6. We don't refer to Jesus as the late J. C.

7. The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T.

11. When Jesus broke bread at the Last Supper he said "Take this and eat it for this is my body." He did not say "Eat me."

12. The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary With the Cherry.'

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub. Yeah, God.

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

 

[Newboomer]

Can anybody with tracking skills maybe interpret what happend here ?
View attachment 235094

Someone didn't just fall down.

 

[Newboomer]

On the farm she’s what we call ‘dumber than a fence post’. My apologies if I’ve offended any fence posts.

In the US Army we called them rocks. Sorry, rocks.

 

[Newboomer]

View attachment 260673

obaaama is still an ass.

 

[Newboomer]

New one: I have often wondered why it is that the conservatives are called the "right" and the liberals are called the "left."
By chance stumbled upon this verse in the Bible:
Ecclesiastes 10-22 (NIV):
"The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left."