DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER

AkMike

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December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!



December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow... Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.


December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snow plow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.


December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Explorer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.





December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.



December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snow plow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.




December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.





December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snow plow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snow plow.

December 25
Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snow plow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
 

Nyati

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:clap::clap::clap:
 

bluey

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I can see how this could become real ,
snow crazy
but mate, you should sea the ocean this morning
its that calm ,and the sky is that blue ( almost south African sky blue )its hard to tell where the ocean stops and the sky starts on the horizon .
its already nudging 29 c at 8;30 am
little bit of snow would be heaven scent today .
 

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Very Funny anybody living in the upper midwest can relate to a lot of that post
 

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I can see how this could become real ,
snow crazy
but mate, you should sea the ocean this morning
its that calm ,and the sky is that blue ( almost south African sky blue )its hard to tell where the ocean stops and the sky starts on the horizon .
its already nudging 29 c at 8;30 am
little bit of snow would be heaven scent today .

Your ancestors were wiser than you realized.......heading to Oz instead of the great white north.
 

bluey

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Your ancestors were wiser than you realized.......heading to Oz instead of the great white north.
ha ha ha ha like my ancestors had a chioice, mr wheeler...
pure convict dna ,runs deep in these veins ,mate
 

BRICKBURN

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ha ha ha ha like my ancestors had a chioice, mr wheeler...
pure convict dna ,runs deep in these veins ,mate


Choice... Get on the boat, now!:angrymob: :angrymob:
 

Wheels

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ha ha ha ha like my ancestors had a chioice, mr wheeler...
pure convict dna ,runs deep in these veins ,mate

I was just trying to say it in a nice way.:beer:

Not wanting to imply:ballchain:
 
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December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!



December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow... Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.


December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snow plow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.


December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Explorer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.





December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.



December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snow plow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.




December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.





December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snow plow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snow plow.

December 25
Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snow plow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
@AK MIKE
After spending time working in the snow you can take it and shove it. I live in Australia and don't get snow where II live. C ant understand the fascination with the shit. Why the he'll would anyone want to go on holidays to freeze their ass off. Got me stuffed. I can happily live the rest of my life without setting foot in the shit again. Tarping up a truck in the snow ain't my idea of fun.
Bob
 

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Bob, you're right on the whole. "Where the water freezes, you can't live there", I heard such an aria in the opera "Nord-Ost". But there are some advantages. As a certain rabbi answered the question "why do you do circumcision" - " first of all, it is beautiful."
20210105_201145.jpg

Secondly, some types of hunting, when it is necessary to control the tracks of game, are possible or convenient only in the snow, we have the concepts of "black trail" and"white trail".
 

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I grew up in Central New York.
We typically got our first snow at the end of Nov.
And I’ve seen snow at the end of May.
I can’t stand snow or shoveling it.

Wife is from SE Georgia and loves snow. :rolleyes:
She will never understand.
 
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I grew up in Central New York.
We typically got our first snow at the end of Nov.
And I’ve seen snow at the end of May.
I can’t stand snow or shoveling it.

Wife is from SE Georgia and loves snow. :rolleyes:
She will never understand.
@BeeMaa

Your right mate women are definitely a strange breed of cattle.
A male chauvinist joke for you.
Why do women call it PMS.
Answer, mad cows disease was already taken.
Note this is a joke and not my opinion.
Bob
 

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I love it...put studded tires on the SUV, get the skis and off to the mountains..

Vinter.jpeg
 

WebleyGreene455

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I grew up in Central New York.
We typically got our first snow at the end of Nov.
And I’ve seen snow at the end of May.
I can’t stand snow or shoveling it.

Wife is from SE Georgia and loves snow. :rolleyes:
She will never understand.
I like snow only when I don't have to deal with it, and I'm from coastal GA so the novelty of it doesn't usually wear off for a few hours.

Shoveling snow can't be as bad as shoveling sand underwater with frigid waves up to your knees, though... Can it? The snow at least stays in one place.
 

Alaska Luke

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In Alaska some people seriously get sad when the snow melts in the spring. They will sadly hike up into the hills to catch a few last ski runs before the summer starts (all 3 weeks of it).
 

Vashper

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and dogs and children love to wallow in the snow. I don't know why.
 

CoElkHunter

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The more snow the better! I want at least 2 feet of snow and -0 temps for a week. Maybe that'll send the liberals packing back to sunny southern cal! Probably not, cause they either don't work or work their techy jobs from home. Maybe the electricity will go out for a week! Ha! Ha!
 

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