on a lighter note...

[Firebird]

 

[Hogpatrol]

probably a repeat.

Bill was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Very Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

 

[Hogpatrol]

A man, who smelled like a distillery, flopped down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled man turned to the priest and said, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading that the Pope does."

 

[Hogpatrol]

Two Irish buddies, Paddy and Eamon, were getting very drunk at a bar celebrating St. Patrick's Day when suddenly Paddy throws up all over himself.
'Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!'
Eamon says, 'Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually Paddy stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time.
You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!'
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Paddy says,
Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jewthink. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got sick on me...he had one too many and he juss koudin hold hizz liquor. He said he's was berry
sorry an' gave me twenties bucks for the cleaning bill!'
His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, 'But this is forty bucks...'
Oh, yeah... I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too.'

 

[Hogpatrol]

On a flight to Detroit for an engineering convention, I was sitting next to an attractive middle aged woman. Looking over at my laptop, she expressed interest in what she saw on the screen, a graphic of man and woman constructing a small bridge across a stream. We got to talking and I asked her what brought her to Detroit. She replied that she was a doctor and also attending a convention only it was concerned with aging male sexual medical conditions. She was very sociable and soon were discussing the myths about male anatomy. She offered that the native American had the most stamina and the Jewish men were the most endowed. We talked the whole flight and got to know each other better so I thought I’d ask her if she wanted to share dinner and drinks after the day’s activities. She said that she was a recovering sex addict but a dinner and drink after the day long seminars might help her relax. She asked me my name. I told her it was Tonto Goldberg.

 

[Wheels]

 

[cpr0312]

 

[jpr9954]

 

[Vashper]

By the way, what about cartridges in the USA now? The fact is that we have interruptions with cartridges of running calibers such as 223 and 308, and traders claim that manufacturers of cartridges are driving them to America.

 

[PHOENIX PHIL]

Is it just me or does anyone else think this is @spike.t?

 

[Brent in Az]

Is it just me or does anyone else think this is @spike.t?

Somebody here claimed that Spike.t was a former Roadie for the Sex Pistols band. You know how wild that can get.....

 

[Hogpatrol]

By the way, what about cartridges in the USA now? The fact is that we have interruptions with cartridges of running calibers such as 223 and 308, and traders claim that manufacturers of cartridges are driving them to America

Don't know about Russia but the war is over and in the U.S. there are tens, if not hundreds of thousands of rounds sitting on gun store shelves. Our local Cabela's has entire rows of multiple shelves with .223, 308 and 9mm ammo.

 

[PHOENIX PHIL]

Somebody here claimed that Spike.t was a former Roadie for the Sex Pistols band. You know how wild that can get.....

I think he was the boat captain for this:

 

[Tbitty]

 

[Vashper]

 

[sgt_zim]

On a flight to Detroit for an engineering convention, I was sitting next to an attractive middle aged woman. Looking over at my laptop, she expressed interest in what she saw on the screen, a graphic of man and woman constructing a small bridge across a stream. We got to talking and I asked her what brought her to Detroit. She replied that she was a doctor and also attending a convention only it was concerned with aging male sexual medical conditions. She was very sociable and soon were discussing the myths about male anatomy. She offered that the native American had the most stamina and the Jewish men were the most endowed. We talked the whole flight and got to know each other better so I thought I’d ask her if she wanted to share dinner and drinks after the day’s activities. She said that she was a recovering sex addict but a dinner and drink after the day long seminars might help her relax. She asked me my name. I told her it was Tonto Goldberg.

Down here, the punchline is Tonto Fontenot, lol

 

[Randy F]

 

[spike.t]

 

[spike.t]

 

[spike.t]