on a lighter note...

[Hogpatrol]

Bill and his wife Blanche went to the state fair every year,


And every year Bill would say,

" Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "

Blanche always replied,

" I know, Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,

and fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,

" Blanche, I'm 75 years old.

If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance "

To this, Blanche replied,

" Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks "

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

" Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars. "

Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks,

but still not a word...

When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,

" By golly , I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.

I'm impressed! "

Bill replied,


" Well, to tell you the truth

I almost said something when Blanche fell out,

but you know,

Fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

 

[ArmyGrunt]

 

[BRICKBURN]

 

[ArmyGrunt]

View attachment 229022

Funny! In listening to Trump talk at a police memorial right now. Not by choice, but because the old man I'm working with insists on news all the time

 

[cpr0312]

 

[observe]

 

[observe]

 

[observe]

 

[observe]

 

[Brent in Az]

Oops

 

[Bullthrower338]

 

[cpr0312]

 

[BWH]

Happy Hump Day

 

[BigJohnx13]

Safety??????????

 

[observe]

....got it.....?

 

[observe]

 

[observe]

 

[Hogpatrol]

1. I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently, a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

2. After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, John woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realized he had made it home safely.

3. Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD40.

4. A teenage boy asks his granny: "Have you seen my pills? They were labelled LSD?" Granny replies: " The hell with the pills, did you see the dragons in the kitchen?"

5. Wife gets naked and asks hubby: "What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?" Hubby looks her up and down and replies: "Your sense of humour!" (Hospital visiting hours are 5:00 to 6:00.)

6. A chap's wife's is back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all he did was suggest they should hold auditions for her part. (His viewing will be Saturday from 7:00 till 8:30.)

7. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

8. I woke up this morning at 9:00 and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonalds serves breakfast until 10:30.

9. My missus packed my bags and as I walked out the front door. She screamed: "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" I replied: "Oh, so now you want me to stay!"

10. Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. When we went to the fair last night it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

11. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her: "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!" (The doctor says I should be able to see again in about ten days. The broken arm will take about a month.)

 

[Hogpatrol]

A man is laying in his bedroom on his deathbed. He tells his wife "Honey, I have to die with a clear conscience and make a confession. I slept with your sister". "Quiet my dear" she replies. I already knew about it. Now just relax and let the poison work".

 

[ArmyGrunt]

I thought pterodactyls went extinct long, long ago, not in the last century!