on a lighter note...

Wife asks her husband

- Honey, if I died would you get married again?

- Darling what on earth are you taking about?

- Seriously, would you?

- Well I guess if it came to that I probably would.

- And would you be living with her in the same house?

- Come on sweetheart this is silly.

- But would you?

- I guess I would.

- And you two would be sleeping in our bed?

- Well, probably yes.

- And would she be using my golf set?

- No, she’s left handed.
 
100 mph goat

Two West Virginia rednecks were out hunting, and as they were walking along, they came upon a huge hole in the ground.

They approached it and were amazed at its size.

The first hunter said, "Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the
bottom. I wonder how deep it is."

The second hunter said, "I don't know. Let's throw something down there, listen, and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

The first hunter said, "Hey, there's an old automobile transmission
over there. Give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see."

So they picked up the transmission, carried it over to the hole, counted one-two-three, and heaved it in.

They were standing there looking over the edge of the hole and listening when they heard a rustling behind them.

As they turned around, they saw a goat come crashing through the underbrush, run up to the hole, and, without hesitation, jump in head first.

While they were standing there staring at each other in amazement,
they peered into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about.

Just then an old farmer sauntered up.

"Say there," said the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"

The first hunter said, "Funny you should ask. We were just standing
here a minute ago, and a goat came running out of the bushes doing about a hundred miles an hour and jumped head first into this here hole!"

The old farmer said, "Naw, that's impossible. I had him chained to an old transmission."
 
12239.jpeg
 
Maybe in California because we have so many tree-hugger, libtard, snowflakes in our Fish and Fairy Dept. now that you just might get away with it. We once had a Fish and Game then Fish and "wildlife" but not a more honest title is Fish and Fairy dept.
 
Squirrel infestation

> The Presbyterian church
> called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel
> infestation.
> After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the
> squirrels were
> predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere
> with God's divine will. >
>
> At the Baptist church
> the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The
> deacons met and
> decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the
> squirrels drown
> themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and,
> unfortunately, knew
> instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed
> up the following week.>
>
> The Lutheran church
> decided that they were not in a position to harm any of
> God's creatures.
> So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church.
>
> Two weeks
> later the squirrels
> were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
>
> But the Catholic church
> came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the
> squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
>
>
> Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue;
> they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.
 
^^^^^^What, no saddle with a monkey on it?^^^^^^^^:Woot:
 
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