Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

[Kata]

A manager at Walmart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes, he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" The first man replied, "A thought. It just pops into your head. There's no warning." "That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And, now you sir?" he asked the second man. "Hmm, let me see, a blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of." "Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed." He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house, and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture, the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep, turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of." The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light," he said. Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Old Bubba replied, "After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is Diarrhea." "What!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. "Oh sure," said Bubba. "You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could think, blink, or turn on the light, I had already sh*t my pants." Bubba is now the new greeter at a Walmart near you!

 

[Kata]

What do you call a lawyer who doesn't know the law? A judge.

 

[Kata]

What do your boss and a slinky have in common? They’re both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.

 

[Kata]

A man was walking down the street and saw a sign in a store window that said "Help Wanted," so the man ran in the store and yelled out, "What's wrong?!"

 

[Kata]

A scientist and a philosopher are being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist makes some quick calculations and says, “It's no good trying to outrun it. It's catching up!” The philosopher keeps a little ahead and replies, “I'm not trying to outrun the lion, I'm trying to outrun you!”

 

[Kata]

An old lady rushed into the police department and claimed she was raped. When asked what the guy looked like, she said she didn't know, only that he was a contractor. When asked how she knew that, she yelled, "All he could say was, 'I'm coming! I'm coming!' and he never finished the job."

 

[Kata]

An infinite crowd of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one orders half a pint, the third one orders a quarter pint. The bartender says, "I understand," and pours two pints.

 

[Kata]

Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died? He was looking for loopholes!

 

[Kata]

Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.

 

[Kata]

I love pressing F5. It is so refreshing.

 

[Kata]

Being an astronaut is funny. It's the only job where you get fired before you start work.

 

[Kata]

While visiting a friend in the hospital, a young man notices several pretty nurses, each one of them wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. “What does the pin signify?” he asks one of them. “Oh! Nothing,” she says with a chuckle, “we just use it to keep the doctors away.”

 

[Kata]

If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.

 

[Kata]

What can a goose do that a duck can't, but a lawyer should? Shove its bill up its ass!

 

[Kata]

If an accountant's spouse cannot sleep, what is the best cure? Ask the accountant to talk about their work.

 

[Kata]

A dentist told a mother, "I'm sorry madam, but I'll have to charge you a $100 for pulling your boy's tooth." The mother exclaimed, "A $100! You said it was only $20!" "Yes," replied the dentist, "but he yelled so loudly that he scared four other patients out of the office!"

 

[Kata]

Why are proctologists so gloomy? They always have the end in sight.

 

[Kata]

Do you know what happens if you piss of a pilot? He takes off.

 

[Kata]

They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but lawyers can find you anywhere.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?
A: You can see right through them.