on a lighter note...

[gizmo]

 

[gizmo]

 

[Brent in Az]

I just lost my appetite for a sandwich for lunch

 

[Hogpatrol]

I just lost my appetite for a sandwich for lunch

Was it going to be baloney?

 

[ArmyGrunt]

@gizmo has been buffering a while. Is the internet that slow at the ranch he's gotta save for a sunny day???

 

[Hogpatrol]

I was sitting at a long stop light yesterday, thinking about what I would do to keep busy during retirement, minding my own business and patiently waiting for the light to turn green, even though there was no on-coming traffic.
An old Nissan full of bearded, young, loud Islamic extremists shouting Anti-American slogans, with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car, and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, "Allahu Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler truck came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man?...that could have been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

 

[Hogpatrol]

Sally Mullihan of Coral Springs , Florida decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.
Sally applied for a job in a Florida lemon grove and seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and a school teacher.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said: "I've been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers and I voted for Obama twice. "
She starts work in the morning....

 

[jpr792]

 

[Hogpatrol]

While on a flight from West Palm Beach, Florida to New York, I sat next to a rather natilly attired older woman and tried to strike up a conversation. I asked her where she was from and she shot back "Certainly not where one ends a sentence with a preposition". So I rephrased the question and asked her again, "Where are you from, bitch".

 

[Fred Gunner]

 

[Fred Gunner]

That nutz licking show off must die!

 

[Rob404]

 

[Rob404]

 

[Rob404]

 

[jpr792]

 

[Hogpatrol]

On a flight to Detroit for an engineering convention, I was sitting next to an attractive middle aged woman. Looking over at my laptop, she expressed interest in what she saw on the screen, a graphic of man and woman constructing a small bridge across a stream. We got to talking and I asked her what brought her to Detroit. She replied that she was a doctor and also attending a convention only it was concerned with aging male sexual medical conditions. She was very sociable and soon were discussing the myths about male anatomy. She offered that the native American had the most stamina and the Jewish men were the most endowed. We talked the whole flight and got to know each other better so I thought I’d ask her if she wanted to share dinner and drinks after the day’s activities. She said that she was a recovering sex addict but a dinner and drink after the day long seminars might help her relax. She asked me my name.
I told her Tonto Goldberg.

 

[ArmyGrunt]

Once you see it, you'll be surprised. This is a toss back to an old email

 

[Pheroze]

View attachment 200118
Once you see it, you'll be surprised. This is a toss back to an old email

Looks like most things I wriet

 

[BRICKBURN]

Looks like most things I wriet

dias eh tahw

 

[cpr0312]

Good one here