on a lighter note...

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Please ... I repeat … PLEASE!
DO NOT USE the $1, $2, $10, $20, $50 or the $100 bills in your possession as they have pictures of former slave owners on them!


Send them all to me and I will dispose of them properly!!!

I repeat, do not just throw them away! They need to be disposed of properly and I am Certified to do so … thanks.
 
Please ... I repeat … PLEASE!
DO NOT USE the $1, $2, $10, $20, $50 or the $100 bills in your possession as they have pictures of former slave owners on them!


Send them all to me and I will dispose of them properly!!!

I repeat, do not just throw them away! They need to be disposed of properly and I am Certified to do so … thanks.
Just leave all your cash in a brown paper bag by the Lean-to behind the parking lot at the Wild Center in Tupper Lake. N.Y.. We’ll send our highly trained professionals in to make sure your rotten cash gets to its proper destination, and that it is gone and out of your sight for good.
 
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Two very active seniors (Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89), living in Sun City Center are all excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:

"Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about suppositories and medicine for impotence?"

Pharmacist: "You bet!"

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Pharmacist: "We sure do."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "Adult diapers?"

Pharmacist: "Sure, how can I help you?

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
 
Bill was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."


Very Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
 

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