A man was going to camp in a haunted woods. Friends warned him, "don't be there when John comes..." Bah humbug, he went camping and while sitting around the campfire a small elfin being came and asked,"are you going to be here when John comes?" He threw the skillet at it and left a lump on its head. Next a ghostly apparition came and asked, "are youooooo going to be here when John comes?" He spat tobacco toward it. Then the ground thundered, the moon was blocked out as a troll of a giant swept aside an entire tree and sat on the stump. He grabbed all the bacon out of a pan and drank the hot grease. Then he wiped his mouth with a handful of coals, and thundered, "YOU GOING TO BE HERE WHEN JOHN COMES?!!"
The man said, "IF YOU AIN'T JOHN, I'M GONE!"