on a lighter note...

[Hogpatrol]

Gynecologist's Assistant Wanted...

• 
  A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown San Francisco,
  
  and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.
  
  Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.
  
  The clerk pulled up the file and read;
  
  "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist.
  
  You have to help the women out of their underwear,
  
  lay them down and carefully wash their private regions,
  
  then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair,
  
  then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination.
  
  The annual salary is $65,000, and you'll have to go to Twin Falls, Idaho."
  
  "Good grief . . . Is that where the job is?"
  
  "No sir . . . that's where the end of the line is right now."
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

 

[Lbarr265]

 

[cpr0312]

 

[cpr0312]

 

[Hogpatrol]

^^^^^ Or Crayola^^^^^^^^

 

[Brent in Az]

 

[Brent in Az]

 

[observe]

Bear in mind there are fifty different ways of closing a gate.
The jaw breaker smudges lipstick.....

 

[EricB]

Time for the Holy hand grenade of Antioch....

 

[observe]

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=4404416109584436

 

[Ridge Runner]

These are called "Double Gees" down here in Oz. My Dad used to wrap a couple in cotton wool and then put them into empty matchboxes. Right up until the 90s he used to sell them to visiting US Navy sailors on RnR as "Mountain Devil eggs" (the Mountain Devil being a very striking native species of lizard down here). He even gave the sailors instructions on how to hatch the "eggs"!! My Dad had great fun doing this, making a bit of cash on the side.

He was also bit of a "shit-stirrer" and on one occasion he telephoned a visiting US aircraft carrier lying out at anchor. He told the sailor on duty that: "the telephone cable at our end was a bit too long, so can you please pull it a bit at your end to take up the slack?" The sailor complied and pulled away.

I wouldn't have believed it, but I was standing right beside my Dad when he suddenly roared with laughter - and then pressed the telephone to my ear - to hear that the telephone line had gone dead!!!

Growing up in a military family, it was common to hear how my; air force, stepdad and his buddies would send newly enlisted airmen all over a base to get a 100 feet of flight line, aka runway, after being told several times and traveling over the base looking for flight line, they would return to their unit empty handed and ready to be yelled at for not getting the flight line, it was set up a second sergeant would intercept them and tell them how stupid they were and flight line is what they were standing on.

 

[nztimb]

Growing up in a military family, it was common to hear how my; air force, stepdad and his buddies would send newly enlisted airmen all over a base to get a 100 feet of flight line, aka runway, after being told several times and traveling over the base looking for flight line, they would return to their unit empty handed and ready to be yelled at for not getting the flight line, it was set up a second sergeant would intercept them and tell them how stupid they were and flight line is what they were standing on.

On the high country station I worked on when I first left school the boss delighted in telling me about a young feller in the shearing team #1 shearer sent to get a wrinkle stretcher supposedly for the wrinkly necks on the merino sheep during shearing.

 

[Timbo]

On the high country sration I worrked on when I first left school the boss delighted in telling me about a young feller in the shearing team #1 shearer sent to get a wrinkle stretcher supposedly for the wrinkly necks on the merino sheep during shearing.

Dad also successfully defended himself against a speeding fine - but he had to have a bit of fun while doing it. He decided to cross-examine the sergeant (in full uniform) who gave him the ticket. My Dad asked what experience did he have in the Force. This guy then proudly reeled off his very diverse career - spending a year here, and 6mths there, across a whole range of branches of the Police. My Dad just cocked his head and nodded sympathetically as he listened to this guy work through his exhaustive experience. At the end of it all Dad queried:

"Well, you couldn't have been a very popular officer in the force then, hey?"

Bristling, the policeman instantly retorted: "Wby? What do you mean?"

Dad said: "Well it's obvious from your very diverse career path, that everybody kept passing you from one Branch to another as you couldn't fit in anywhere."

The policeman went apoplectic and had murder in his eyes, while the public area just lost it in laughter, with the judge being forced to hold up his papers to hide his face!!

After a few light-hearted moments like this, the judge cut to the chase and directly asked Dad why he was speeding. Dad innocently replied:

"Your Honour, I was simply keeping a safe distance ahead of the car behind!!"

CASE DISMISSED!!

 

[cpr0312]

 

[Brent in Az]

 

[observe]

 

[observe]

 

[Boyd Brooks]

This is what all the ladies want for Mother’s Day! As they say “the taste will grow on you”!!

 

[observe]

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=2913600298736341

 

[observe]