on a lighter note...

Discussion in 'Humorous Jokes, Stories or Pictures' started by observe, Mar 28, 2013.

  1. Tom Hawk

    Tom Hawk AH Enthusiast

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    Smart Ass Mexican

    It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro, the son of a Mexican telecom tycoon, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good! Who said “Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth? "? Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863," said Pedro. The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Pedro, who is new to our country, knowsmore about its history than you do." She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans." "Who said that?" she demanded. Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836." At that point, a student in the back said, "I’m gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Pedro. "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinski, 1997!" Now, with almost a mob hysteria, someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you." Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001." The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we‘re in BIG trouble now!" Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."
     

  2. Tom Hawk

    Tom Hawk AH Enthusiast

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    JEWISH GRANDMA

    The children and grand children of an elderly Jewish woman decided to send grandma on a cruise. Grandma boarded the ship and showed her ticket to the purser. He looked at it and said, "Oh, I see you have U.D." She replied, "U.D.? Voos is U.D.? He said, "U.D. is Upper Deck." She then went to the upper deck and showed her ticket to the purser there and he said, "I see, that in addition to U.D., you also have O.C." Grandma replied, "O.C.? Voos is O.C.?" The purser said, "O.C. is Outside Cabin." Grandma, needless to say, was delighted. She then showed her ticket to the cabin boy and he said, "Oh, I see that you also have B.I.B." "B.I.B.? Voos is B.I.B.?" asked grandma. The cabin boy answered, "B.I.B. is Breakfast In Bed." "Oh" she said; "Mine children and grandchildren are vonderful." Well, the next morning, bright and early, the staff came right into her room with trays of food for her breakfast in bed and she said, "F.U.C.K" Shocked, they said, "F.U.C.K? What do you mean F.U.C.K.?", to which she replied, "Yes, F.U.C.K. First U Could Knock!"
     
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  3. Clayton

    Clayton AH Fanatic

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    A Golf Story

    Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward foursome of men playing the next hole.

    The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

    The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.’

    'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

    At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?

    ‘Feels great,’ he replied; ‘but I still think my thumb's broken!’
     
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  4. Divernhunter

    Divernhunter AH Elite

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    A few more Priceless.jpg 4wheeler.jpg 2nd chance.jpg
     
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  5. Hogpatrol

    Hogpatrol AH ENABLER SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    UPDATES on Senior Texting abbreviations.


    ATD - At the Doctor's
    BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
    BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
    BYOT - Bring your own teeth
    CBM - Covered by Medicare
    CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
    DWI - Driving While Incontinent
    FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
    FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
    FYI - Found Your Insulin
    GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
    GHA - Got Heartburn Again
    IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
     
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  6. BigJohnx13

    BigJohnx13 AH Veteran

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  7. BigJohnx13

    BigJohnx13 AH Veteran

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  8. Brent in Az

    Brent in Az AH ENABLER SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

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  9. observe

    observe AH ENABLER CONTRIBUTOR AH Legend

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    FB_IMG_1537814751283.jpg
     

  10. observe

    observe AH ENABLER CONTRIBUTOR AH Legend

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    FB_IMG_1537636521089.jpg
     
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  11. observe

    observe AH ENABLER CONTRIBUTOR AH Legend

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    FB_IMG_1537547377430.jpg
     
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  12. observe

    observe AH ENABLER CONTRIBUTOR AH Legend

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    Studio_20180926_184555.jpg
     

  13. observe

    observe AH ENABLER CONTRIBUTOR AH Legend

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    IMG-20180925-WA0000.jpg
     

  14. Hogpatrol

    Hogpatrol AH ENABLER SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    Definitely more enjoyable than practicing off of a couple sticks.
     

  15. mrpoindexter

    mrpoindexter AH Fanatic

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    You used to be able to rent those off Craigslist, but then they shut down that section.
     
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  16. Rob404

    Rob404 AH ENABLER BRONZE SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    If she's lucky maybe he'll switch to Full auto
     

  17. Hogpatrol

    Hogpatrol AH ENABLER SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    thecos.jpg
     

  18. Hogpatrol

    Hogpatrol AH ENABLER SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    IMG_9426.jpg
     
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  19. Pheroze

    Pheroze AH ENABLER AH Legend

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  20. observe

    observe AH ENABLER CONTRIBUTOR AH Legend

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    FB_IMG_1538072486556.jpg FB_IMG_1538072400904.jpg
     
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