on a lighter note...

Discussion in 'Humorous Jokes, Stories or Pictures' started by observe, Mar 28, 2013.

  1. Rob404

    Rob404 AH ENABLER BRONZE SUPPORTER AH Legend

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2013
    Messages:
    3,259
    Video/Photo:
    29
    Likes Received:
    3,238
    Location:
    Chaska Minnesota
    Member of:
    NRA, Member Minnesota Horse and Hunt,,Caribou Hunt Club
    Hunted:
    Illinois,Wisconsin,Michigan Limpopo Province South Africa
    569545_460s_v1.jpg
     
    cpr0312, BWH, Iwannahunt and 3 others like this.

  2. Hogpatrol

    Hogpatrol AH ENABLER SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2013
    Messages:
    3,995
    Video/Photo:
    44
    Likes Received:
    7,556
    Location:
    Delaware, USA
    Member of:
    Atglen Sportsmen's Club, NRA ,SCCFSA
    Hunted:
    RSA, DE, NJ, PA, KS, TX
    Bubba and Billy Joe were on vacation, walking downtown, window shopping, and they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.99 each, shirts $1.99 each, trousers $2.49 each”
    Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Joe, Lookee here! We could buy a whole gob o’ these, take ‘em back to Alabama, sell 'em and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin', 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us.”

    Now, I'll talk in a slow Texas drawl so's they don't know we is from Alabama."
    They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Texas drawl, “I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.99, 100 of them there shirts at $1.99, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.39. I'll back up my pickup and...."
    The owner of the shop interrupts, "Y'all from Alabama, ain't ya?"
    "Well...yeah," says a surprised Bubba. "How come y'all knowed that?"
    "Because this is a Dry-Cleaners."
     
    Von S., Sand Rat, Rob404 and 2 others like this.

  3. Tom Hawk

    Tom Hawk AH Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2017
    Messages:
    263
    Likes Received:
    214
    Angela: Duetche superglue very stronk. Uh-oh. Mein hand are stücken. Hopevully no one vill notice.
     

  4. Hogpatrol

    Hogpatrol AH ENABLER SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2013
    Messages:
    3,995
    Video/Photo:
    44
    Likes Received:
    7,556
    Location:
    Delaware, USA
    Member of:
    Atglen Sportsmen's Club, NRA ,SCCFSA
    Hunted:
    RSA, DE, NJ, PA, KS, TX
    The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney,Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T . Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
     

  5. ArmyGrunt

    ArmyGrunt AH Elite

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2013
    Messages:
    1,681
    Video/Photo:
    63
    Likes Received:
    2,089
    Hunted:
    USA, South Africa, Hungary
    Tom Hawk and Hogpatrol like this.

  6. Hogpatrol

    Hogpatrol AH ENABLER SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2013
    Messages:
    3,995
    Video/Photo:
    44
    Likes Received:
    7,556
    Location:
    Delaware, USA
    Member of:
    Atglen Sportsmen's Club, NRA ,SCCFSA
    Hunted:
    RSA, DE, NJ, PA, KS, TX
    *THE ITALIAN WEDDING TEST*


    I was a very happy man.

    My wonderful Italian girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

    There was only one little thing bothering me....It was her beautiful younger sister.

    My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less.

    She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view.

    It had to be deliberate.

    Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

    One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.

    She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

    She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

    Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

    She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

    I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs

    I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.

    I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

    Lo... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

    With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law put down his shotgun and hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

    And the moral of this story is:

    Always keep your condoms in your car!
     
    GuttormG, Lee M, Iwannahunt and 6 others like this.

  7. Hogpatrol

    Hogpatrol AH ENABLER SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2013
    Messages:
    3,995
    Video/Photo:
    44
    Likes Received:
    7,556
    Location:
    Delaware, USA
    Member of:
    Atglen Sportsmen's Club, NRA ,SCCFSA
    Hunted:
    RSA, DE, NJ, PA, KS, TX
    While on her way to visit an elderly shut in Sister Mary Elizabeth ran out of gas. She searched her car, and the only container she could find to put gas in was a bed pan that she had planned to use for the elderly woman. So, grabbing the bedpan, Sister Mary Elizabeth walked three blocks to nearest service station and filled the bedpan with gas. In the meantime three Baptist gentlemen had taken a seat on a park bench across the street from Sisters car. They watched her approach the car, then proceed to pour the contents of the bedpan into the gas tank. One of the Baptists looks at the other two and says, If it starts I`m turning Catholic.
     
    GuttormG, Beretta391, Rob404 and 2 others like this.

  8. Bullthrower338

    Bullthrower338 AH ENABLER AH Legend

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2014
    Messages:
    3,448
    Video/Photo:
    120
    Likes Received:
    6,801
    Location:
    Houston, Texas
    Member of:
    Life Member Rocky Mountain Elk Foundation, NRA, Huntin' Fool, DSC and Pope and Young Club
    Hunted:
    USA, Mexico, Canada, RSA, Australia NT
  9. Graham Hunter

    Graham Hunter AH Fanatic

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2017
    Messages:
    577
    Likes Received:
    455
    Hunted:
    Alaska Canada US New Zealand Scotland South Africa Zimbabwe
  10. ArmyGrunt

    ArmyGrunt AH Elite

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2013
    Messages:
    1,681
    Video/Photo:
    63
    Likes Received:
    2,089
    Hunted:
    USA, South Africa, Hungary
  11. thriller

    thriller AH Fanatic

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2013
    Messages:
    839
    Video/Photo:
    27
    Likes Received:
    713
    Location:
    Alabama
    Member of:
    NWTF, NRA, DU and QDMA
    Hunted:
    Countries: Argentina, United States and Zimbabwe States: AL, LA, FL, MS, Tenn., SD, ND, IA, NE, KN,SC, GA, TX and NC
    You really just cant fix stupid "what is an azimuth?" haha
     

  12. Bullthrower338

    Bullthrower338 AH ENABLER AH Legend

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2014
    Messages:
    3,448
    Video/Photo:
    120
    Likes Received:
    6,801
    Location:
    Houston, Texas
    Member of:
    Life Member Rocky Mountain Elk Foundation, NRA, Huntin' Fool, DSC and Pope and Young Club
    Hunted:
    USA, Mexico, Canada, RSA, Australia NT
    I’m planning on killing a Cape buffalo with one of those new azimuth thingys
     
    gizmo, Ironhorse375, Tom Hawk and 3 others like this.

  13. ArmyGrunt

    ArmyGrunt AH Elite

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2013
    Messages:
    1,681
    Video/Photo:
    63
    Likes Received:
    2,089
    Hunted:
    USA, South Africa, Hungary
    Careful of what's behind...I think it uses lasers or something radioactive
     
    gizmo likes this.

  14. observe

    observe AH ENABLER CONTRIBUTOR AH Legend

    Joined:
    May 24, 2011
    Messages:
    2,704
    Video/Photo:
    134
    Likes Received:
    5,130
    Member of:
    SAHGCA [Skilled Hunter qualified-Cum Laude], Handgun Hunters Association of SA, SAGA, Primitive hunting [Spear @ Bow]
    Hunted:
    R.S.A,Namibia,Venda
    39760491_10155443415952062_7590734695675985920_n.jpg
     

  15. Rob404

    Rob404 AH ENABLER BRONZE SUPPORTER AH Legend

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2013
    Messages:
    3,259
    Video/Photo:
    29
    Likes Received:
    3,238
    Location:
    Chaska Minnesota
    Member of:
    NRA, Member Minnesota Horse and Hunt,,Caribou Hunt Club
    Hunted:
    Illinois,Wisconsin,Michigan Limpopo Province South Africa
    Minneapolis already has an Azimuth Free Zone
     
    Tom Hawk and mrpoindexter like this.

  16. Rob404

    Rob404 AH ENABLER BRONZE SUPPORTER AH Legend

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2013
    Messages:
    3,259
    Video/Photo:
    29
    Likes Received:
    3,238
    Location:
    Chaska Minnesota
    Member of:
    NRA, Member Minnesota Horse and Hunt,,Caribou Hunt Club
    Hunted:
    Illinois,Wisconsin,Michigan Limpopo Province South Africa
    hook.jpg
     
    gizmo, ArmyGrunt, Tom Hawk and 4 others like this.

  17. Hogpatrol

    Hogpatrol AH ENABLER SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2013
    Messages:
    3,995
    Video/Photo:
    44
    Likes Received:
    7,556
    Location:
    Delaware, USA
    Member of:
    Atglen Sportsmen's Club, NRA ,SCCFSA
    Hunted:
    RSA, DE, NJ, PA, KS, TX
    No Witness News. Rated R

     
    gizmo, Tom Hawk and Rob404 like this.

  18. Savage Hunter

    Savage Hunter AH Fanatic

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2012
    Messages:
    675
    Video/Photo:
    12
    Likes Received:
    618
    I have a big bore azimuth for sale if you’re interested.
     
    Rob404, Hogpatrol and Bullthrower338 like this.

  19. Badger Matt

    Badger Matt AH Veteran

    Joined:
    May 29, 2009
    Messages:
    123
    Video/Photo:
    20
    Likes Received:
    125
    Location:
    Simpsonville, SC
    Member of:
    SCI, DSC, NRA Life, NAHC Life, DRSS
    Hunted:
    South Africa. AK, CA, FL, GA, KS, SC, CO, MO, PA, ID, VA, WY, TX
    It's the Back Azimuth that'll kill you if you're not careful. A lot of folks don't know that and die early.
     
    rinehart0050 and Bullthrower338 like this.

  20. mdwest

    mdwest AH Elite

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2016
    Messages:
    1,267
    Video/Photo:
    24
    Likes Received:
    1,637
    Location:
    DFW
    Member of:
    DSC Life Member, NRA Life Member
    Hunted:
    USA, South Africa, Argentina, Peru
    cant you get a doctor to prescribe you an inhaler for azimuth?

    seems like azimuth shouldnt be killing anybody anymore these days....

    maybe just make it hard to run really fast or something...

    :)
     
    Tom Hawk, Rob404 and Bullthrower338 like this.

Share This Page

 
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice