SOUTH AFRICA: My PH/Guide/Tracker Was Not Human

Day 2 Part 3

Giraffes and zebras in our wake now, we were back doing our thing. Libert was on my left nearly shoulder to shoulder. We had paused to glass so I took the opportunity to ask a question that was nagging me a bit. “Why were those two herds in such a hurry to vacate the area? It’s bugging me that even though they weren’t stampeding in a panic, they were surely not comfortable hanging around and they were both leaving the same area.” Zeus dropped his binoculars down for just a moment, glanced at me, then moved them back to his eyes. He hesitated a moment more then said, “Not sure”.
Liar!
Ok maybe not lying but something moved him toward edginess. He knew something but he wasn’t saying. At least not yet. We moved along a little slower than usual, stopped more frequently to glass, and he seemed to be acting more cautiously.
I’m intent on doing my part but you can’t really help where your mind might wander off to at times. What danger is around that could move herds and move Zeus to defcon 3? Well you’re likely imagining the same things I did at the time. Consequently, I eyeball the “pellet”gun in my hand compared to what I’d need for something big and/or dangerous. Hmmm, I guess the best and probably only scenario here is that I’ll need one cartridge...for me. Zeus will likely be able to fly away and I’m not stupid enough to try to pump a couple of bb’s into something that would only enrage it enough to grab a gear and tear me apart sooner. Nope. I’ll take away it’s conquering glory happily end it first.
An eerie sound snapped me out of my stupor. I looked over at Zeus. He didn’t move. Didn’t react. Did nothing. Now, I know his guy can hear a mouse fart a mile away so he damn well heard what I was hearing. He finally lowered his binoculars but he still wouldn’t look at me. All he said was “follow me.” We moved left just down over the crest and moved comparatively quickly ahead about 150 yards or more where we stopped to listen. The sounds were louder and somewhere on the other side. It was this ungodly squealing and screeching noise that got a whole lot louder as we belly crawled back up over the crest. Libert was serious now. He was polite enough to ask if would stay back behind while he checked it out. Yeah right. My reply probably wasn’t as polite as it could have been. “F**k that buddy. I have a gun and you’re carrying a pair of sticks. Are you good enough with those to jam them up the nostrils of whatever the hell is over there all the way to the brain?” He got the message that he wasn’t alone. We crawled to the crest and peeked over. The sounds were almost deafening but it was very deceiving. Zeus visibly relaxed. Way down in the next canyon, a half a mile away, there was an area that widened with a break in the trees we could see through. Baboons we’re losing there minds. They were flying back and forth through the trees screaming and squealing. It was creepy as hell and the hair stood up on my...well...everything.
Libert pointed out the reason for their frenzy. Leopards. A pair of leopards were feeding on a baboon under the shade of a tree, oblivious to the protests from above. He told me it more often happens at night with leopards but not unusual for daytime in the shadowy areas. Opportunists I assume. But GEEZ what a racket! What I should have said right then was “Where was your X-ray vision on that one hero?!” What I actually said was “I gotta pee”.
Now I’m thinking I’d like to take down one or two of those ugly tree swingers. Nah, stick to the plan.
Libert was back to himself, secure in the fact that there was a lot more distance between us and that nasty ruckus. I appreciated his caution. My safety was his responsibility and he took it very seriously.
It was getting a little later now. The baboon party was an hour or so behind us I’d say. We were checking out an area below to the right. I thought I saw movement so I pointed it out. Libert picked it out right away. A lone Waterbuck. A shooter. Libert watched for a bit longer than he normally does. Thinking. I was used to him identifying and moving almost immediately. This time he lingered. It was a long way down to where he was. Too long. But Zeus had a plan. We moved off to the other side of the crest just out of sight. He looked at me and said,”We go quick”, and took off like his hind end was on fire. What the hell?! This is not the Libert I....Get going! He just surprised me ok? When I finally caught up to where he was waiting, he was giving me a look. Sort of one of those “did you get your walker caught in the brush?” looks.
Hey, I wasn’t the one on fire and don’t overestimate my abilities.
Anyway, we’re on the left side about to go over the crest belly crawling again. Only this time he was even more cautious. Yet again he was right on track to where he thought that animal was headed. We peeked over veeeery slowly. There it was. Just standing there right at about 100 yards kind of in the brush but presenting a shot. I slid back down a bit to bring the weapon in position. If he even hints at those sticks I’m gonna bite him. Hard. He stayed motionless with the binoculars. Gun in position. Safety off. Breath out....and I screwed up.
I’m not exactly sure why I hesitated. But I did. Only for a fraction of a second but it was enough with the wind swirling that the bull bolted. In my defense, I can only think that in the back of my mind I hesitated because twice in a row I was lined up, heart pounding, ready to shoot and twice he stopped me to take a bigger trophy. I’m sticking to that cuz it makes me feel better than knowing I’m an idiot. Right now, Zeus’ expression indicates the latter. Ugh.
I rolled onto my side facing him and said “sorry”. He looked at me for a second then smiled and said “you’re going to shot that one. I know where he will go.”
He emphasized “that one”. Weird. There’s something going on here. I didn’t mention that but asked what his plan was. He just stood and motioned for me to follow. I told him “okay but no more of that Flash Gordon sh**! I’m only human.” He just grinned and took off trotting. Trotting? He’s serious about getting “that one” for some reason and it wasn’t only because it was starting to get late. We have about an hour and a half of daylight.
Marathon man was finally starting to slow. I was starting to seize. What the hell! I don’t know how much ground we covered but holy hell, was he on a mission. We had started off going straight down the cliff to the bottom and hung a right. We stayed at the bottom, thankfully, running the gulch all the way to where it opened up to several others. He had picked the second from the left to continue on and never broke stride. I broke something. I’m sure of it. We followed that one nearly to it’s end. Now slowed down, he glanced back at me and motioned up to his left. Thankfully he didn’t notice I was struggling to use my best macho “I’m right with ya buddy” face. In reality I was reasonably sure at least one lung was collapsing. I was also thankful that where he was pointing was a short hike up on a knoll. Before we headed up he said “I hope we’re in time, be ready at top”. Be ready? Be ready?!! I was ready the other times you stopped me too! I didn’t say it but I was thinking it loud enough that mr. Superman hearing guy should’ve heard it. But I knew what he meant. We moved to the top slowly and peered into the brush. Libert has set the sticks and was glassing off toward the right. He’s pretty confident here.
We had been there for only a few minutes, watching off to the right in the direction Libert had determined it would come from when I caught movement to the left and below. I hissed to Libert and pointed. When Libert turned to see, there was an explosion in the brush. That was the only time I heard him almost swear. At least in English. “Shhh...we were too late” he whispered. We stood and watched the waterbuck bolt straight up the other side through the thick brush to the top of a small hill where there was a commotion as he went over. Libert whispered again but to no one in particular when said “not there”. Oh oh. What that going to mean?
Without another word we headed straight toward where it had disappeared. As we crested this one he told me quietly that it had been joined by three more waterbuck’s at the top. One last step up and I knew why he had muttered not there. The entire top of this little hill was one big flat red rock that covered about a half an acre. Very little vegetation and just from where I stood I could see several trails leading in all directions from it. So while I’m contemplating the situation...multiple bogies crossing a half acre of concrete floor with multiple exits...and we have to find “that one”, Zeus has gone to work. This was magic. He would later tell me a couple of the indicators but I believe most of it was just his gut feeling after gathering what he could.
He had been very slowly walking out toward the middle. His head barely moving and seemed to be staring at the ground a few feet out making an arc back and forth. Which you’d expect as he looks for signs. Signs on rock. With no vegetation. Dirt had fallen off hooves in the first six feet. And find the right set. Yeah right. Not even game god is that good. It was the way he was holding his hands that stood out to me. His arms nearly just slightly out at his sides but his hands where opened out flat, as if aiding in a mental grid. He barely strolled as he covered his ground. It seemed like forever but in reality it couldn’t have been more than five minutes when he broke his trance and headed for one of the paths. ?? No way. Well it wasn’t, not yet. He went to one path, then another, then on the third path he went to he motioned for me to follow. No way. When I got to him, the only thing he said was “we must hurry” this will be our last chance today. Oh crap. Weren’t we hurrying last time?! Oh yeah that was just “go quickly”. This is gonna hurt.
somehow he had figured out which path these four animals had taken, from out in the middle of the rock, then determined that “that one” had indeed stayed separate from the others as he examined only those three exits...of the two dozen exits that were obvious to me. Wow.
So we ran. Yes I actually ran. Adrenaline, probably more from his determination than mine. We hit a road and stayed on it in a wide arcing half circle that seemed like eternity but in the end was about 3/4 of a mile. Right after we hit the road he pointed off to our left and behind us at the rear end of a waterbuck that had slowed to a trot and moving straight away. But...but...don’t we...
Just keep running because for some reason Zeus was grinning as he pointed.
We had just made this huge half circle to get ahead of this critter...again.
Running the road the way we did helped us silently get downwind of it. When we hit the spot where Libert wanted to get off the road, he barely slowed at first. We turned into the brush. We’re crouch walking. Zeus is right in front of me on a narrow trail. Now we’re barely moving, sneaking to the edge of a clearing. We are now motionless, both of us crouched on the trail, Zeus still in front of me. Then Libert just drops. Drops like I shot him in the back of the melon! Obviously he doesn’t have to tell me to drop. I know he saw something. He did. Coming slowly directly at us was a waterbuck that was constantly stopping to check his back trail. There he is. Zeus started to try to maneuver those damn sticks out. I hissed a quiet “no!”. There’s no way I’m going to risk standing up to use those stupid sticks when I can stay on a knee right by this little tree for a lean. He knew. It’s his job to offer.
This waterbuck was oblivious to our existence. Whether or not this was “that one” or not was a mystery but it was definitely one that we had pushed off the concrete floor.
I found a great rest on my little tree and let him walk right into the crosshairs at 50 yards. He stopped to check his back trail exposing a perfect opportunity. The gun barked. The smoke cleared...and there he was...still standing there. ??!! He was hit hard but the tough s.o.b didn’t drop. I had jacked another shell so I touched off another one. He dropped that time. And didn’t move.
Zeus launched himself off the ground and hovercrafted himself over there before I could get off my knee. No, seriously, I could barely stand up. Between the adrenaline rush and the abuse I’d just put my carcass through I struggled for a second. I got over it in a hurry though and by the time I got over there he as rolled the animal over and was examining something. Just as I stepped to it he let outa war whoop that quite honestly scare the living beegeesus out of me! This time the bear hug went the other way. As fricking excited as I was, Zeus couldn’t calm himself. We sorta had each other worked up into our own little baboon frenzy there for a second. Then we stopped, involuntarily looked around to be sure nobody saw that, and sat down for a much needed drink.
I’ve got my waterbuck. All four on the wish list in two days!!
So now the big question. Why was he so excited? Well it turns out that “that one” waterbuck had eluded Zeus on two other occasions. The first as a result of that same concrete floor. It was the bane of his existence. His only real failure to track to the end. When he was examining it, he was looking for a white patch ahead of the white ring on the left hip. Not a large spot. I’m not sure I would have noticed it to be honest. But Zeus had spent enough time glassing him to know he was “that one”. I think I was happier for him than I was for me. No wonder he wanted to rip my spine out when I hesitated the first time. Oops.
In our excitement and our haste to get him loaded up and out of there we forgot to get a picture out in the brush. Real bright huh? We snapped a couple back at the lodge just before it got too dark though. That’s good enough for me.


Day three saw an offer to hunt more. I wasn’t sure.
@Randy F
Excellent story so far I've been laughing my head off all the way through it. Even though you are American I will regard you as an honoury Aussie mate with that made add sense of humor.
Bob
 
Day 3. A VERY big surprise. A black one

Dawn on day three blasted in with the bright sunshine. Ooouch. So bright!
The haze in my feeble melon begins to recall the celebration night of day two. I’m an idiot.
The five-gallon-pail of Richelieu that forced itself on me by the fire after an amazing braai had now decided it was willing to exit my carcass via every pore. Oof. This could be rough. These people are cruel to leave me to my own volition once I got past my “stupid drink”. That’s normally number 2 1/2. They should know me by now.
Well, here we go, better shake off the cobwebs and get moving. Ugh. I can’t move. Not without pain. Zeus tried to kill me yesterday though various lengthy torture methods. Hah! Foiled his plan. I’m a survivor...I think.
I emerge squinting from my thatched roof cave to the smells of breakfast cooking and the clatter of equipment being loaded. Why is everything so damn loud?!! I shuffled into the lodge to the table to force some energy down my gullet. I have until noon to...do what? I’m not sure. The mission was accomplished yesterday. I definitely don’t remember discussing any plans last night. That doesn’t mean plans weren’t discussed, just that if they were I’ll need a quick refresher course.
Yep. I’m an idiot.
Right now I’m extremely relieved that I don’t need to be on an 18 hour flight this afternoon. Just heading back out to ours friends’ home for a bit more vacation for a couple of days first.
The owner walked in as I was finishing up and sat down across from me. What he said next was very generous and very surprising. He told me since I had until noon today that he felt there were bigger Impala there and that he would really like for me to go after another bigger one. We would trade critters, he keeps my first one and I take a bigger one. No extra charge.
My brain was turning in thick grease, not light oil. What?! At first I wasn’t sure if I should be insulted or honored at the offer. What was wrong with my little guy? I don’t need or particularly even want a world record anything. That sounds expensive anyway.
In reply I asked him what we would do if I decided not to. (Like that was going to happen right?)
That took him off guard a bit. He stuttered for a second then informed me that after I had left they had planned to take his 25 year old nephew out to see if they could find a big old Zebra and allow him to shoot. Not as a paid hunt but because, as he explained to me, there were too many Zebra on the property and the stallions were beginning the kill the young males. ? I think to sell the hides maybe. Don’t know. I had never heard of that but witnessing that sounded pretty good too.
I asked for a couple of minutes to mull it over while I got ready to go. He obliged.
Now what? This has been an absolutely incredible two days. It’s permanently embedded despite my head sloshing around. I’m not changing a thing. I love it the way it happened. Adding and subtracting at this point would be...well...just subtracting.
We met again 15 minutes later. I told him I didn’t want a bigger anything. Thanked him profusely for the offer but I had a request. I would absolutely love to see his nephew get his first chance at that zebra. If time allowed, I would also really be honored if I might be allowed to take in more of the scenery and possible get a look at more game. Preferably with Libert present. (They had no other hunters booked for that day) He looked at me like I’d lost my mind.
How did he know?!
I offered to pay, he declined. He was a little amazed and a lot shocked.
Soon we were off in the earthquake bakki, rocking and rolling up through the bushveld again. Zeus as well. My head and body were pointedly questioning my decision. Ugh. Forgot about the earthquake machine. Swift move bro.
To shorten this up, we did find a big old stallion. His nephew did collect it with a couple of well placed shots and I got to witness it. But I also got to witness it along with a smorgasbord of game animals. Everywhere we went we saw amazing sights. But the best was yet to come. A huge highlight for me...and them as well.
Zeus and I decided we were going to ride in the back of the nightmare rig to better see the sights. Honestly, this was a bit of a vacation day for Libert as rarely did he get this opportunity. No pressure. No commitment. Not that that bothered him anyway but you could tell he was really enjoying it. The ear to ear grin was a pretty good indicator. My ultra quick albeit spongy brain picked up on that right off.
Ok now for the good stuff. I had asked that we stop so Zeus (uncharacteristically talkative today) and I jump out for awhile to check out some of this awesome landscape. Today I was armed with my “good” camera and wanted to take in some of this crazy craggy red rock pillar stuff. They obliged so off we went letting them know we’d be back in half an hour or so.
As we neared the turn around point of our time away from the bucking bronco, I saw a particularly crazy looking jagged pile of boulders and pillars and I wanted to take a closer look. I was hoping to snap a couple of good pics and wanted to get a great pic of Libert there for him to send off to his family along with the giant tip he didn’t yet know he was getting.
The wind was from my right. I directed Zeus to a spot that would look great to frame him in. But I couldn’t get the angle I wanted so I climbed up a little ways to accomplish that. Now I’m facing back the way I came so the breeze is cool on the left side of my face.
I’m very lucky for that.
As I’m eyeballing the screen on the camera and trying to get Zeus centered in the frame I caught movement off to my left. I was up higher. What I saw, Libert could not. He was behind a red jagged pillar. It took a second to register what I was seeing because disbelief was overruling everything. What had caught my eye was the swish of a tail. Of several tails. Of several long black tails. All of which happened to be attached to the enormous bodies of what I’d often heard referred to as “Black Death”. Standing not 60 yards away, thankfully up wind, under a shade tree were the Cape Buffalo they’d told me they hadn’t seen in three months!! I froze. So far only one was looking in my direction but I wasn’t clear if he’d seen me or not. There was no indication...yet. I lowered my hand down below the rocks I was standing in, sloooowly turned my head toward Libert. Thankfully he hadn’t made a sound but was curious what I was doing. I sort of upside down pointed in their direction. Zeus knew enough by my body language that this was not good. So he slowly peered around the pillar. He turned white. You’ve seen the pictures of him. Now he was white. If I thought at all that he was nervous during the leopard fiasco, I was now convinced he was sh— scared. I already knew this was not good. Now I was terrified. We’re armed with a stupid camera. Fifteen minutes from the breakneck mobile. Nothing between us and being bovine curb stomped with one little swirl of the wind was my guess. While he was pivoting back around his rock, I had been attempting my best ultra slow motion dance out of line of sight as well. We stared at each other for a second or two. Zeus pointed back the way we came.
I was seriously hoping he was right because my hungover worn out creaking body was about to squirrel-scamper straight up the face of this ledge out of curb stomper range while Zeus did another Flash Gordon back to the bronco.
But I trusted him. We snuck back out the way we came in. The wind stayed in our favor. When he thought it safe to do so we hauled ass back to the truck. When we got there, they were sitting on the tailgate watching us burn in on the home stretch. Well, so to speak. Me dragging both of my feet and drooling a bit while my lungs took turns back firing. Zeus looking like he just got up from a nap. The little pr—k! I hate him!
Anyway, we reported our discovery and the owner couldn’t have been happier. As I mentioned, he hadn’t seen them for three months. So of course, he wanted pictures. Well I wonder who had the only camera here? Ugh. I probably would have been fine without the pictures. That sight was burned in past Alzheimer’s as well. But wow, were they an awesome sight to see so of course I agreed. Only this time we were heading in on the back of the ever ultra secure square-wheeled-wonder. What could go wrong?
Thankfully everything went great. We found them. They refrained from a murderous stampede from which I’m sure at least the driver was sure to survive. I got some great photos and it was time to head back in.

Upon return, we settled up, confirmed delivery date so ship and dip, and said our goodbyes. As a parting gift they gave the me the zebra hide whose harvest I had witnessed. How cool is that?!
Zimbabwe Zeus was happy with his substantial tip and his new, only used two days to any extent binoculars to replace that 1842 coal-burning set that he had been using...and I drove away from the surreal world to the real world.

Thank you Africa. I’ll be back.
 
@Randy F
Excellent story so far I've been laughing my head off all the way through it. Even though you are American I will regard you as an honoury Aussie mate with that made add sense of humor.
Bob
Lol thank you for the compliment
 
Oops forgot the Buffalo pic. Here it is

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Sounds like you had a wonderful. You really did make the best out of 2 1/2 days. Congrats on some great writing. Very entertaining. Enjoyed it a great deal. Thanks for sharing.
Bruce
 
Very much enjoyed your story. Reminds me of the feeling i get when I’m there as well. It’s time for me to start planning trip #4. Thx!
 
Sounds like you had a wonderful. You really did make the best out of 2 1/2 days. Congrats on some great writing. Very entertaining. Enjoyed it a great deal. Thanks for sharing.
Bruce
Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it.
 
Very much enjoyed your story. Reminds me of the feeling i get when I’m there as well. It’s time for me to start planning trip #4. Thx!
I’m happy you enjoyed it. Good luck with that 4th trip.
I had trip number two planned. Was supposed to fly out October 20th. Airline cancelled now. Grrr.
May a thousand baboons eat their tires.
 
Thank you very much for the report. Great writing, funny and very interesting.
 
Thanks for sharing the report with us, congrats on the hunt!
 
Love your writing style - Had some good laughs! Too bad you didn't have a few more days hunting - I could keep reading more of your story!
 
Great 2 1/2 days. Like your sense of humor and writing. Thank you for the laughs and bringing us along on your adventure
 
A great story, immensely enjoyed, thank you !
 
@Randy F, I appreciate your story telling and only hope you have several more hunts because if you ever wrote a book I’d buy it. You seem to remember and account for feelings all hunters have, but forget to include in our recounting. Thanks for sharing.
 
@Randy F, I appreciate your story telling and only hope you have several more hunts because if you ever wrote a book I’d buy it. You seem to remember and account for feelings all hunters have, but forget to include in our recounting. Thanks for sharing.
Ha Ha! Well thank you.
Maybe I should write a book. With all the stupid sh— I’ve done in my life (so far) I could probably rival the library of Congress.
 

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