gillettehunter
AH ambassador
Rodney Dangerfield !!!!
Ø It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog
on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!
Ø Last night my wife met me at the front door. She
was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was,
she was coming home.
Ø A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's
nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!
Ø I was making love to this girl and she started crying
I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?'
She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'
Ø My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss
in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
Ø The other day I came home and a guy was jogging,
naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you
came home early.'
Ø My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
Ø My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray
after the meal.
Ø My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy,
I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
Ø It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a
shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase,
and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
Ø I was such an ugly kid! ...When I played in the sandbox,
the cat kept covering me up.
Ø I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a
toaster and radio.
Ø I'm so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid
who came with his wallet.
Ø When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room
and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we
could, but he pulled through anyway."
Ø I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness...AFTER
I was born.
Ø I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent
a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted
more proof.
Ø Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked
him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you
think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid.
There's so many places they can hide."
Ø My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
Ø I'm so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people
kept asking how big I'd get.
Ø I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of
sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks
and get some rest.
Ø With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How
can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
Ø It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog
on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!
Ø Last night my wife met me at the front door. She
was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was,
she was coming home.
Ø A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's
nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!
Ø I was making love to this girl and she started crying
I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?'
She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'
Ø My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss
in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
Ø The other day I came home and a guy was jogging,
naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you
came home early.'
Ø My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
Ø My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray
after the meal.
Ø My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy,
I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
Ø It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a
shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase,
and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
Ø I was such an ugly kid! ...When I played in the sandbox,
the cat kept covering me up.
Ø I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a
toaster and radio.
Ø I'm so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid
who came with his wallet.
Ø When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room
and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we
could, but he pulled through anyway."
Ø I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness...AFTER
I was born.
Ø I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent
a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted
more proof.
Ø Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked
him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you
think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid.
There's so many places they can hide."
Ø My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
Ø I'm so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people
kept asking how big I'd get.
Ø I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of
sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks
and get some rest.
Ø With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How
can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
