on a lighter note...

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Late snow here in Ludifisk Land today,,which surprised me since this usually happens in May
 
WHY GRANDPAS ARE DIFFERENT

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers? Well, here it is:

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy-- just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.

Not really, PaPa, it was boring.......

We didn't see a single asshole, piece of shit, horse's ass, socialist left wing Obama lover, blind bastard, dip shit, Muslim camel humper or son of a bitch anywhere we went!" We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn't have any fun.

'Almost'.....brings a tear to your eye
 
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch-less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband. At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times that her husband finally asks, "Are you wearing crotch-less panties?" "Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile. "Thank God - I thought you were sitting on the cat." He never heard the shot.
 
Because of my rather distinct Chicago accent When I took a job as the Chef at a downtown hotel in Minneapolis the Wait Staff was afraid to come in the kitchen
 
A Irishman, Scotsman and British man all walk into a bar. They each order a Guinness and are about to drink it, when, at the exact same time three flies land into each gentleman's' drink.

The British man declares 'That is disgusting!" and walks out the the bar.

The Scotsman calmly picks the fly up, tosses it on the ground and takes a sip of his drink.

The Irishman roughly grabs the fly by the wings, looks it in the eyes and loudly yells "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT NOW!"
 

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Sir, I think I have been writing to you about the purchase of the HK 639 rifle under an email "Tt Jake." If this is you, then I am truly interested. I am just trying to verify identify. Tt Jake is asking for a cash transaction. No disrespect intended, Just trying to verify who I am talking to. Thank you. Respectfully. Dan
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Remember I will be at the ISE show in Denver Colorado for 8-12 January, and after the show I will be available for meetings anywhere in the USA I will traveling around to meet with old and new clients, let me know and we will set up a meeting!
Beautiful Aardwolf for our Spanish client and good friend Alberto
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