on a lighter note...

Discussion in 'Humorous Jokes, Stories or Pictures' started by observe, Mar 28, 2013.

  1. NW James

    NW James AH Member

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    Am I the first to notice she gave a cryptic question to get the pin number, but the card has a Visa symbol??!! Just charge it!
     

  2. BigJohnx13

    BigJohnx13 AH Veteran

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    When an old Anti Aircraft gunner goes birdhunting. shotgun bird aiming.jpg
     
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  3. Hogpatrol

    Hogpatrol AH ENABLER SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico .

    While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.



    He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'

    The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning.

    A delicacy!'




    The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order..'

    The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry, senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'

    The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'

    The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor.

    Sometimes the bull wins!!!!
     
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  4. cagkt3

    cagkt3 AH ENABLER PLATINUM SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    For those in the oilfield...

    [​IMG]
     

    Attached Files:


  5. mark-hunter

    mark-hunter AH Fanatic

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    This is good one! I do try to control such behavior, but sometimes... I have sent this picture now - to my boys on rig floor! Good one!
     
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  6. Von Gruff

    Von Gruff AH ENABLER GOLD SUPPORTER AH Legend

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  7. dory

    dory AH Fanatic

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    Plus 2
     

  8. Hogpatrol

    Hogpatrol AH ENABLER SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    Arab dog vs Israeli dog:

    The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world.
    So, they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath.
    This "duel" would be a dog fight.
    The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its people the right to rule the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay down its arms for good.
    The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy of each litter, fed it the best food and killed all the other puppies.
    They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine. After the 5 years were up, they had a dog that needed steel prison bars on its cage. Only expert trainers could handle this incredibly nasty and ferocious beast.
    When the day of the big dog-fight finally arrived, the Israelis showed up with a very strange-looking animal, a Dachshund that was 10 feet long!
    Everyone at the dogfight arena felt sorry for the Israelis. No one there seriously thought this weird, odd-looking animal stood any chance against the growling beast over in the Arab camp. All the bookies took one look and predicted that the Arab dog would win in less than a minute.
    As the cages were opened, the Dachshund slowly waddled toward the center of the ring.
    The Arab dog leaped from its cage and charged the giant wiener-dog.
    As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Arab beast whole in one bite.
    There was nothing left but a small puff of fur from the Arab killer dog's tail floating to the ground.
    The stunned crowd of international observers, bookies and media personnel let out a collective gasp of disbelief and surprise.
    The Arabs approached the Israelis, muttering and shaking their heads in disbelief. "We do not understand," said their leader, "Our top scientist and breeders worked for 5 long years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans, Rottweilers and Siberian wolves, and they developed an incredible killing machine of a dog!"
    The Israelis replied. "Well, for 5 years, we have had a team of Jewish plastic surgeons from Boynton Beach working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."


    The only thing to add is this: "The strong take from the weak but the smart take from the strong".
     
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  9. Hogpatrol

    Hogpatrol AH ENABLER SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    image(89).jpg
     
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  10. observe

    observe AH ENABLER CONTRIBUTOR AH Legend

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  11. Hogpatrol

    Hogpatrol AH ENABLER SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    Some may find this funny. Others may not.

    Green Thing
    Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags are not good for the environment.
    The woman apologized to the young girl and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days."
    The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."
    The older lady said that she was right — our generation didn't have the "green thing" in its day. The older lady went on to explain:
    Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.
    Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable besides household garbage bags was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags. But, too bad we didn't do the "green thing" back then.
    We walked up stairs because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.
    But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day.
    Back then we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts. Wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.
    But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.
    Back then we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
    But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then.
    We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blade in a r azor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
    But we didn't have the "green thing" back then.
    Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service in the family's $45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the"green thing." We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.
    But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then?
    Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart ass young person.
    We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off... Especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced smart ass who can't make change without the cash register telling them how much.
     
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  12. Timbo

    Timbo AH Fanatic

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  13. Von Gruff

    Von Gruff AH ENABLER GOLD SUPPORTER AH Legend

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  14. observe

    observe AH ENABLER CONTRIBUTOR AH Legend

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    3,,,2,,,1,,,,
    61335308_2258207330924591_5446252662880206848_n.png
     

  15. observe

    observe AH ENABLER CONTRIBUTOR AH Legend

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    61302775_2178124808901386_3325301467409022976_n.jpg
     

  16. observe

    observe AH ENABLER CONTRIBUTOR AH Legend

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    .....lost glasses at a museum are mistaken for 'modern art' !

    safe_image (1).jpg
     
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  17. Hogpatrol

    Hogpatrol AH ENABLER SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    image(90).jpg
     

  18. observe

    observe AH ENABLER CONTRIBUTOR AH Legend

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    62192398_2531402936872250_3803331464892776448_n.jpg
     

  19. ArmyGrunt

    ArmyGrunt AH Elite

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  20. observe

    observe AH ENABLER CONTRIBUTOR AH Legend

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    FB_IMG_1559406044790.jpg FB_IMG_1559156401720.jpg FB_IMG_1559405997150.jpg
     
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