on a lighter note...

[cpr0312]

 

[Hogpatrol]

 

[Hogpatrol]

It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'

'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'

'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood!'

 

[cpr0312]

 

[Brent in Az]

 

[Hogpatrol]

A man goes down to the local church, Our Lady of Perpetual Motion, and asks the priest if he could have a funeral mass held for his recently deceased dog. The priest immediately denies the request professing that funeral masses are only for people who are members of the church. The man explains to him that the he has never married, has no children and no girlfriend and that the dog has been his faithful companion for over twenty years. The priest reiterates that it doesn't matter, animals don't have funeral masses but maybe one of the protestant churches down the street could accommodate him. He then asks the priest if five thousand dollars would be enough of a contribution if they granted his request. The priest quickly grabs the man's arm and blurts out "Now, hold on just a minute son, you didn't tell me the dog was Catholic".

I know, I'm going to hell for this one.

 

[Hogpatrol]

At a recent friend's viewing a few of us were standing around discussing how we would like to "go". Some wanted to die in their sleep, others in bed with a beautiful woman or something similar but immediate. I stated I wanted to go like my grandfather, not like his screaming passengers.

 

[Mekaniks]

 

[Mekaniks]

 

[Hogpatrol]

BREAKING NEWS!
Santa Claus accused of sexual misconduct for having little girls sit on his lap and asking them if they've been naughty.

 

[Brent in Az]

BREAKING NEWS!
Santa Claus accused of sexual misconduct for having little girls sit on his lap and asking them if they've been naughty.

Santa must be a Democrat.

 

[cpr0312]

 

[bilmcc]

View attachment 211270

Don't you know they make meat at the grocery store?

 

[Brent in Az]

 

[Hogpatrol]

Donald Trump and Obama ended up in the same barber shop.

Each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave.

Obama was quick to stop him saying,
No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I've been inside a whorehouse all day.

The second barber turned to Trump and said, "How about you sir?
Trump replied, "Go ahead--my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

 

[Hogpatrol]

Women!

 

[Hogpatrol]

On the Andy Griffith show, the reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T. Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara, Fred Goss, Mrs. Mendlebright and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

 

[Hogpatrol]

Out of diapers? I can fix that!

 

[observe]

 

[cpr0312]