Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

[Silence]

 

[HunterMarkus]

A mother complained to my wife, 
a schoolteacher, that other students were stealing her daughter’s pencils.

“It’s not the money—it’s the 
principle,” she insisted. “My husband took those pencils from work.”

 

[HunterMarkus]

“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” the teacher instructed her second-grade student.
“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant,” he answered.
“Umm … Do you know what pregnant means?”
“Yes,” said the boy. “It means 
carrying a child.”

 

[HunterMarkus]

I recently ran into an old student of mine, who said, “I always liked you. You never had favorites. You were mean to everyone.”

 

[HunterMarkus]

A month after Donald MacDonald started at Harvard, his mother called from Scotland. "And how are the American students, Donald?" she asked.

"They’re so noisy," he complained. "One neighbor endlessly bangs his head against the wall, while another screams all night."

"How do you put up with it?"

"I just ignore them and play my bagpipes."

 

[HunterMarkus]

Try as she might, our granddaughter couldn’t grasp the concept of potty training. Then one day … Success! Jumping up and down, 
she threw her arms in the air 
and yelled in excitement, “I went potty all by myself, and now I can 
go to Harvard!”

 

[HunterMarkus]

 

[HunterMarkus]

 

[HunterMarkus]

 

[HunterMarkus]

Scene: Horseback-riding stable.

Mom: Those horses are awfully big for my daughter.

Me: Our horses are very sweet …

Mom: Don’t you have something smaller? What about that one over there? It’s the perfect size for her!

Me: Um … that’s a goat.

 

[HunterMarkus]

A scientist tells a pharmacist, “Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid.”

“Do you mean aspirin?” asks the pharmacist.

The scientist slaps his forehead. “That’s it!” he says. “I can never 
remember the name.”

 

[HunterMarkus]

I phoned a local restaurant to 
ask if it was on the north or south side of Main Street. The person on the other end answered, “That 
depends on which direction you’re coming from.”

 

[Silence]

Scene: Inside a Best Buy store.

Customer: Can you help me? I’m looking for a shredder.

Coworker: We have all types of shredders. What will you be shredding primarily?

Customer: Collard greens.

 

[Silence]

Scene: Me using the Siri app on my iPhone.

Me: Siri, call my wife.

Siri: Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts.

Me: Samantha Gibbs is my wife.

Siri: I’ve added Samantha Gibbs as your wife.

Me: Call my wife.

Siri: Which wife?

 

[Silence]

New York Times writer Amy Chozick giving an example of what 
it was like working for a fashion magazine: “A girl got on [the elevator] with a Birkin bag, and her friend goes, ‘Oh, my God, I love your bag; 
is that new?’ and she goes, ‘No, I got it, like, a week ago.’”

 

[Silence]

Billy Corgan, the lead singer of the rock band Smashing Pumpkins, on the perils of life as a rock star: “I’ve moved on to other things. Obviously I love rock ’n’ roll, and I love music, but it’s nice to be in a world like professional wrestling, where I’m treated like a normal person.”

 

[Silence]

How come you never see a headline like “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

 

[Silence]

At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell 
a highway it’s adopted?

 

[Kata]

 

[Kata]