Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

[Louis Phillips]

Golden Kalahari moments!

 

[HunterMarkus]

One Sunday a Minister feigned illness so he could go deer hunting. That morning he shot a fantastic 14-point buck! Saint Peter looked down from Heaven and said to God, “You aren’t going to let him bag a prize like that are you?” “Why not?” God replied. “Who’s he going to tell?”

 

[Silence]

A deer hunter got on his hands and knees to take a closer at some tracks. That’s when he got hit by the train.

 

[Silence]

Two deer hunters met in the woods. The first one said to the other, “Boy am I glad to see you, I’ve been lost for hours.” The second deer hunter said, “That’s nothing, I’ve been lost for a week.”

 

[Silence]

A deer hunter who was an atheist was out in the woods when suddenly a 1,000-pound deer stepped out. “Good God!” exclaimed the hunter. Suddenly, a voice from Heaven said, “I thought you don’t believe in me.” The hunter replied, “Up until now I didn’t believe in 1,000-pound deer either.”

 

[hunting4sanity]

A naked man walks into a psychiatrists office wrapped in plastic wrap, he tells the doc he's not feeling well and asks him what could be wrong. The doc responds, hell if I know but I can clearly see your nuts.

 

[Silence]

Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle. “I hope he’s not going to shoot at us,” said one skunk. The second skunk bowed his head and said, “Let us spray.”

 

[Silence]

On the first day of the deer hunting season, a hunter fell out of a deer stand and broke both his legs. “Why couldn’t this happen on my last day of hunting?!” the hunter cried to the doctor. “It did,” the doctor replied.

 

[Silence]

How do you catch a unique deer? Unique up on it! How do you catch a tame deer? Tame way – unique up on it!

 

[Silence]

Two new deer hunters decided to separate to increases their chances. “What if we get lost?” says one of them. “Fire three shots up in the air, every hour on the hour” says the other. “I saw it on TV.” Sure enough, one of the hunters gets lost, so he fires three shots up into the air every hour on the hour. The next day the other hunter finds his friend with the help of the Forest Ranger. “Did you do what I said?” asked the hunter. “Yes, I fired three shots up into the air every hour on the hour, until I ran out of arrows.”

 

[Silence]

A 10-point buck walked into a lodge restaurant and ordered a burger and fries. After the deer finished and was paying, the cashier said, “We don’t see too many deer around here.” “At these prices,” replied the buck, “I’m not surprised.”

 

[Silence]

A deer hunter asked his Pastor if it was a sin to hunt on Sunday. “From what I hear about your aim,” said the Pastor, “It’s a sin for you to hunt any time.”

 

[Silence]

A deer hunter was bragging about the biggest, baddest, handsomest, heaviest deer he’d bagged the day before. “It’s got enough meat to eat the whole year,” he boasted. Just then the Game Warden came up and cited the man $500 for hunting without the proper tag. “Five-hundred dollars?” exclaimed the hunter. “All for a mangy, skinny, stubby, half-pint deer?”

 

[Silence]

A deer hunter just messed up another hunt. This happened to him more times than he could count. He would spot a buck, aim , fire and miss. He would sneak up close just to get busted and watch the deer run away. He would sneeze just as the buck came into range. He would fall asleep on stand, waking in time to watch a giant buck scamper away. Frustrated, he complained to his hunting buddies. “Everything that happens to guys that don’t know how to hunt keeps happening to me!” he said.

 

[Silence]

Two deer hunters were not having any luck so they asked for advice from an old timer. “You can just about guarantee a deer if you learn to hunt with dogs,” he said. The two hunters got a trained deer dog and hit the woods. At the end of the day and still empty-handed, one hunter said to the other, “Maybe tomorrow we’ll get one if we throw the dog out of a higher treestand.”

 

[rtawy]

Hello Herman and Annette. Would love to hunt with you guys, thanks for a wonderful opportunity!

Here's a joke for you married men:
So a man walks up to a train ticket counter one morning and asks, "May I get a picket to Tittsburgh." "Sorry" he says, "I mean a ticket to Pittsburgh."

The ticket agent says, "I understand, I've had one of those mornings too. Just this morning I was having breakfast with my wife and meant to say, " Honey could you pass the sugar please, and it came out, You wretched cow, you ruined my life!" "Here's your ticket sir".

Herman, if you ever get to Wyoming let's go hunt antelope here! Thanks again

 

[HunterMarkus]

I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.

 

[HunterMarkus]

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

 

[HunterMarkus]

A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing isn't as good as it used to be. What should I do?" The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure.

When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."

The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?" He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. still no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!"

 

[HunterMarkus]

"Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!"