Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.

 

Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.

 

Chuck Norris recorded the making of the first video camera.

 

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

 

Soma students at the University of Alberta were sitting through a boring physiology class. The professor seeing he was losing their attention decided to spice it up a bit. He asked one pretty young co ed if she knew what her a$$hole was doing when she had an orgasam. She looked at him and said " he's probably moose hunting with his friends "

 

...And if I won and quit my job, I`d go hunting in Africa.

 

" Ok one last joke before the bell tolls"

A young reporter went to a retirement home to

interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the
old man to
tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.


The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the

jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native
gunbearer was
behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen
leaped onto the
path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only
to find the native
had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a
mighty ROARRRR! I soiled
myself."

The reporter said, "Under
those circumstances anyone would have done
the same."

The old
explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went
'ROARRRR!'"

 

A blonde sees a flier on a bulletin board that reads, "Cruise -- Only $5." She goes to the address on the flier and hands the receptionist $5. The receptionist nods to a burly man reading a newspaper. He walks over to the blonde and knocks her unconscious.
The blonde wakes up tied to a log floating down river. To her right, she sees one of her blonde friends. "Do you think they're going to serve food on this trip?" she asks.
Her friend replies, "They didn't last year."

 

Two guys get pulled over while drinking and driving.

The driver tells his friend, "Peel the labels off these beer bottles, and we'll each stick one on our forehead. Now, shove all of the bottles under the front seat. Just let me do all the talking."

The cop walks up and shines his flashlight into the car. "Have you been drinking?" he asks.

"No, sir," the drunk answers. "We haven't had a thing to drink tonight."

"Then what on earth are those beer labels doing on your foreheads?"

"We're both alcoholics," says the drunk. "We're on the patch."

 

My grandma always says that she never gets any phone calls. So, for her birthday, I put one of those 'How's my driving?' bumper stickers on her car. The phone's pretty much ringing off the hook now

 

A gentleman sits next to a priest on an airplane. He sees the priest doing a crossword puzzle.

Time passes and the priest says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know a four letter word that describes a woman and ends in 'u-n-t'?"

The gentleman thinks about this and finally says, "I believe the word you're looking for is 'aunt.'"

The priest replies, "Oh, you're right. That fits, too. Would you happen to have an eraser?"

 

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."
The groom broom says, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together!"

 

A blonde goes to the doctor with burns on both of her ears and her right hand. "Sit down and tell me how it happened," says the doctor.
"I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear."
"'What about the other ear and your hand?" the doctor asked.
She replied, "I tried to call for an ambulance."

 

During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

 

Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.
Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

 

There was a lady, who had a dog that she loved, and he followed her everywhere. One morning she woke up, went to the bathroom, came out, and realized that her dog wasn't at her feet. She found him in his bed ''sleeping''. She called his name, but he didn't get up. So she took him to the vet and told the vet that her dog wouldn't wake up. So he looked at her dog and said, ''Your dog is dead''. She asked the doctor to perform another test to be sure.
The doctor went into another room, and came back with a cage. In it there was a cat. He let the cat out, and she walked arund the dog, sniffed, and went back in her cage. The doc put the cat back in the other room. He came out and said again, ''Your dog is dead''.
She was like ''Ok, how much do I owe you?''
The doctor said ''$300''
She said, ''What!?!? How could it cost that much??''
He said ''$15 for me to say he was dead. Then $285 for the cat scan''

 

Entry time is almost over!

I just want to wish every one who entered good luck and may the best entree win. I also want to thank each one who entered. I had some good laughs this past two months.

Talk soon