Discussion in 'Humorous Jokes, Stories or Pictures' started by observe, Mar 28, 2013.
Damned back draught!
It also appears they lose their ability to spell.
STOP DOING THIS!
In your house its ok if you want or where no one sees them but not in a restaurant. It is a public place devoted to food consumption.
The truth is I don't agree, I don't know what you think, but it makes me sick.
I know that many will come out to defend it, and they will say a lot of things in their favor, but they won't even change my mind about this act.
It's a bad habit.
You can tell what's been instilled in her house and it looks like it's normal for her, as if nothings happened, but...
don’t be putting your dirty flip flops on top of the table.
It isn't right.
Definitely raised in a female single parent household or in one where the male was raised in a single parent female household.
A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA .
There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract.
She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.
As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.
In her haste to escape, thewoman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.
In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor.
She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters.
The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.
She sat and waited three hours before the doctor re-appeared.The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"
He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a Waste Treatment Facility.
And I'm sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down.
For the first time in 112 years it's snowing in Egypt!
Al Gore's global warming is no more!
The scrambled egg for brains have changed the catchphrase from global warming to "climate change". I predict the next terminology will be much more threatening, maybe cataclysmic weather or some such frightening phrase. It never ends. Don't think the Wall Street cabal isn't behind this scam. There's alot of money to be made on this scheme.
The new catchphrase in Canada is Climate Emergency
12 years!!!! The clock is ticking!!!
Well, there ya go! I'm betting the next line of bullshit will be " We've reached climate "crossroads".
Might not be just what you're looking for, but still funny!
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."
Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Jack took the money.
A judge was interviewing a lady regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”
She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”
“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”
“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.
“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”
“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”
He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”
“No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”
“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is ‘yes’.”
“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”
“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”
“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me.”
If the blonde looked like that I'd suggest getting the $30 another way
Nebraska called a storm this last winter a bomb cyclone
New one to me
Sounds scary. Must be an existential threat caused by the US withdrawing from the Climate Accords.
Separate names with a comma.