on a lighter note...

???

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This is a reprint, but just had to share

Over 5000 years ago Moses said to the Israelites, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels. and I will lead you to the Promised Land."

Nearly 75 years ago, when welfare was being introduced Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light a Camel, this is the Promised Land."

Today, Congress has taken your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels, and mortgaged the Promised Land!

Made me so depressed thinking about Health care, economy, savings, social security I called a suicide hotline. was told to press 1 for English. I was then connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal, they got excited and asked if I knew how to drive a truck or fly a plane....

I think we are screwed...

Thanks for letting me repost this ….
 
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Jack Daniels trick

A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband's temper.
The counselor asks, "What's the problem?

The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband loses
his temper for no reason. It scares me."


The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband
is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniel's and swish it in your mouth.
Swish and swish, but don't swallow until he either leaves the room or calms down."


Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh and reborn.

She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband started
to get angry, I swished the Jack. I swished and swished, and he calmed down.

How does swishing Jack Daniel's in your mouth do that?

The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is the trick."
 
Last Nickel
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels
to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is
panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting
at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion,
she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the
counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles
and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds
the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her
seat in the coffee bar without saying a word
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the
woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before,
it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?
"No," the woman replied...."Divorce attorney.” {I also heard an IRS auditor can do the same thing}
 
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