Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

[Kata]

 

[Kata]

Two hunters in deer camp woke up in the middle of the night. “Look at the stars… what a splendor,” said one hunter. “Yeah but what do you think happened to our tent?” said the other.

 

[Kata]

A deer hunter who was an atheist was out in the woods when suddenly a 1,000-pound deer stepped out. “Good God!” exclaimed the hunter. Suddenly, a voice from Heaven said, “I thought you don’t believe in me.” The hunter replied, “Up until now I didn’t believe in 1,000-pound deer either.”

 

[Kata]

Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle. “I hope he’s not going to shoot at us,” said one skunk. The second skunk bowed his head and said, “Let us spray.”

 

[Kata]

On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. “Give me a couple of steaks,” he says. “We’re out of steaks but we have hotdogs and chicken,” says the butcher. “Hotdogs and chicken?!” yells the hunter. “How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?”

 

[Kata]

A boastful hunter kept telling his buddies the same story, and they chided him for telling it over and over. He reminded them that they often tell the same stories. “Not so,” said one friend. “We re-share, you repeat.”

 

[Kata]

Which side of a deer has the most meat? The inside.

 

[Kata]

Two deer hunters were not having any luck so they asked for advice from an old timer. “You can just about guarantee a deer if you learn to hunt with dogs,” he said. The two hunters got a trained deer dog and hit the woods. At the end of the day and still empty-handed, one hunter said to the other, “Maybe tomorrow we’ll get one if we throw the dog out of a higher treestand.”

 

[Kata]

A deer hunter just messed up another hunt. This happened to him more times than he could count. He would spot a buck, aim , fire and miss. He would sneak up close just to get busted and watch the deer run away. He would sneeze just as the buck came into range. He would fall asleep on stand, waking in time to watch a giant buck scamper away. Frustrated, he complained to his hunting buddies. “Everything that happens to guys that don’t know how to hunt keeps happening to me!” he said.

 

[Silence]

Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?

A. Because he was pissed off!

 

[HunterMarkus]

Three vampire bats live in a cave surrounded by three castles. One night, the bats bet on who can drink the most blood.

The first bat comes home with blood dripping off his fangs. He says, "See that castle over there? I drank the blood of three people."

The second bat returns with blood around his mouth. He says, "See that castle over there? I drank the blood of five people."

The third bat comes back covered in blood. He says, "See that castle over there?" The other bats nod. "Well," says the third bat, "I didn't."

 

[HunterMarkus]

Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"

Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."

Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"

Mother: "We need the eggs."

 

[HunterMarkus]

Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A: A Doberman pinscher.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Q: What did the bird say after his cage fell apart?

A: "Cheap, cheap!"

 

[HunterMarkus]

Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?

A: Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

 

[HunterMarkus]

Q: Why did the chicken say, "Meow, oink, bow-wow, moo?"

A: He was studying foreign languages.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

A: He heard the ref was blowing fowls.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Q: What do you call a cow who's had an abortion?

A: De-calf-i-nated.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Q: Why do farmers put bells on cows?

A: Their horns don't work.

 

[James.Grage]