Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

[HunterMarkus]

'A man doesn't know what hapiness is until he's married. By then it's too late.'

 

[HunterMarkus]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

 

[HunterMarkus]

''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''

 

[HunterMarkus]

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

 

[HunterMarkus]

A classic Tommy Cooper gag ''I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays'', was fifth.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.

 

[HunterMarkus]

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

 

[Hogpatrol]

Now this is funny.

 

[npm352]

haha

 

[HunterMarkus]

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.''

 

[HunterMarkus]

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

 

[HunterMarkus]

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''

 

[HunterMarkus]

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''

 

[HunterMarkus]

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off. ''because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''

 

[hnterfl]

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

 

[hnterfl]

I'd agreed with you but then we'd both be wrong.

 

[Hogpatrol]

 

[ianevans]

A man shoots his first deer and takes it home to eat, he decides that the kids shouldn't be told that they are eating a deer, after some discussion with his wife they decide to tell the kids they would have to guess what they are eating.
As they are all seated round the table , the kids excited about the game, the dad says , now children what we are eating tonight is something that your Mum calls me sometimes.
After a few moments the little girl suddenly screams to her younger brother "don't eat it Johnny It's an arsehole.