Frank, an 80-year-old Italian goes to the
doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and as sharp as a tack; 'how do you stay in such great physical condition?'
I'm Italian and I am a golfer,' says Frank, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino, and all is well.'
"'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?
"Who said he was dead?"
The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your Father's still alive. How old is he?'
'He's 100 years old,' says Frank. 'In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino and that's why he's still alive. He's Italian and he's a golfer, too.'
'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old was he when he died?'
'Who said my grandfather's dead?'
Stunned, the doctor asks, you mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible, how old is he?'
'He's 118 years old,' says the Old Italian golfer.
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point,
'So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?'
'No, No he couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'
At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married? Why would a 118 year- old guy want to get married?'
'Who said he wanted to?
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector phoned his client.
He said, "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day, let's hear the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million.
I think she could be right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman!
You've just made my day.
Now I know I can handle the bad news.
What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."
Senior Sex -- This is the funniest thing I have ever read .......
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence!!!"
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