on a lighter note...

[Dr Ray]

Excellent
Had a good laugh

 

[Jörg Krüger]

View attachment 455653

OMG. Its gonna blow!!! It's s non nuclear weapon. Better get your face maxks ready if it ate Mexican food. Export to Ukraine

 

[Hogpatrol]

 

[jpr9954]

 

[Randy F]

 

[Randy F]

 

[Randy F]

 

[cpr0312]

 

[gillettehunter]

 

[jeff]

View attachment 455776

SO TRUE!!!

 

[jpr9954]

 

[Randy F]

 

[cpr0312]

 

[Hogpatrol]

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, And a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
" Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight.

 

[Hogpatrol]

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...’

 

[Hogpatrol]

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, “Where have ya been?"
" Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
" Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

 

[Hogpatrol]

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"

 

[Hogpatrol]

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.”
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth”, Tim. “Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... No. In fact, He got out three times to pee."

 

[cpr0312]

This is the story of a young Seattle college student flying in the right seat of a small plane with an old pilot. The pilot has a heart attack and dies. The young lady passenger frantically grabs the mike and calls out "May Day! May Day! Help me!
Help me! The pilot just had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Someone help me! Please help me!"

She then hears a calming voice on the radio saying: "This is Sea-Tac Air Traffic Control and I hear you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath, stay calm, and everything will be fine!

"Now give me your height and position

She replies, "I'm 5' 4" and I support Joe Biden."

"O.K.", says the calm voice on the radio.
"Now slowly repeat after me: “Our Father, who art in Heaven.”

 

[jpr9954]