Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

[HunterMarkus]

Yo mama so fat the bears have to hide their food from her when she goes camping.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Waiter: "Do you want any dessert?"
Teddy Bear: "No Thanks. I'm Stuffed!"

 

[HunterMarkus]

A man walks into a bar and sits down. He asks the bartender, "Can I have a cigarette?" The bartender replies, "Sure, the cigarette machine is over there." So he walks over to the machine and as he is about to order a cigarette, the machine suddenly says, "Oi, you bloody idiot." The man says with surprise in his voice, "That's not very nice." He returns to his bar stool without a cigarette and asks the bartender for some peanuts. The bartender passes the man a bowl of peanuts and the man hears one of the peanuts speak, "Ooh, I like your hair." The man says to the bartender, "Hey, what's going on here? Your cigarette machine is insulting me and this peanut is coming on to me. Why's this?" The bartender replies, "Oh, that's because the machine is out of order and the peanuts are complementary."

 

[Silence]

A disciple went to his master and said, "I have served you faithfully for ten years. Now I have a wish: give me something to eat which will never end." His master said, "Here, have some chewing gum."

 

[Silence]

Q: How do you get a blond on the roof?
A: You tell her the food is on the house.

 

[Silence]

Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

 

[Silence]

If tomatoes are a fruit, isn't ketchup a smoothie?

 

[Silence]

I went to a hot dog stand with my pet snake. I said," May I please have a hot dog for my snake?" The waitress replied, "I'm sorry, but we're all out of buns." I said, "My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hun!"

 

[Silence]

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.

 

[Silence]

Q: What is crazy and walks along the sides of buildings?
A: A walnut.

 

[Silence]

The employees at Taco Bell recently started wearing gloves when preparing the food. Ever wonder if their intentions are to protect their hands from the food they're serving?

 

[Silence]

Q: Why did was the Mexican fast food vendor arrested?
A: He was planning a tacover.

 

[Silence]

Two old timers were talking after church one day and the one asks the other, "So tell me brother, what did you think of the soul food this morning?" The other replies, "The food was excellent but the service sucked!"

 

[Silence]

I told my wife I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. She couldn't believe it when I rode pasta.

 

[Silence]

Q: Why can't you tell an egg a joke?
A: Because it will crack up.

 

[Silence]

A guy is going on an ocean cruise and he tells his doctor that he's worried about getting seasick. The doctor suggests, ''Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.'' The guy replies, ''Will that keep me from getting sick, Doc?'' The doctor says, "No, but it'll look really pretty in the water.''

 

[Silence]

I work at a local fast food joint. It cracks me up when a fat ass customer orders a quadruple stacked cheeseburger, with extra sauce, a ton of extras, extra large fries with extra sauce, and then orders a small diet coke.

 

[Silence]

Q: What do you call a sad coffee?
A: Depresso.

 

[Silence]

I just bought a cured ham; I wonder what it had.

 

[Silence]

Q: What's a race car's favorite thing to eat for lunch?
A: Fast food!