Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

[HunterMarkus]

'When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.'

 

[HunterMarkus]

'First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.'

 

[HunterMarkus]

'You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.'

 

[HunterMarkus]

'She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.'

 

[HunterMarkus]

'The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good as a wall.'

 

[HunterMarkus]

'I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered 'French Toast during the Renaissance'.

 

[HunterMarkus]

'Where there's a will – there's a relative!'

 

[HunterMarkus]

'A man walks into a chemist’s and says, "Can I have a bar of soap, please?" The chemist says, "Do you want it scented?" And the man says, "No, I’ll take it with me now".'

 

[HunterMarkus]

'I always take my wife morning tea in my pajamas, but is she grateful? . . . No, she says she'd rather have it in a cup.'

 

[HunterMarkus]

'Do you know how many middle-aged men go out for a pint of milk and never come home? Not enough.'

 

[HunterMarkus]

'I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?'

 

[HunterMarkus]

'My Dad used to say "always fight fire with fire", which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade.'

 

[HunterMarkus]

'I met a beautiful girl last night, but she was rather thin. I mean this is a skinny girl. You never saw anybody so thin. She turned sideways you didn’t see her. I took her to a restaurant and the maître‘d said to me, ‘Can I check your umbrella?’

 

[HunterMarkus]

'I have low self-esteem; when we were in bed together, I would fantasise that I was someone else.'Richard Lewis (June 29 1947-)

 

[HunterMarkus]

'The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.'

 

[HunterMarkus]

'Ever since I started to get recognition I've picked out certain fans and reverse-stalked them.'

Jim Carrey (January 17 1962-)

 

[HunterMarkus]

'When I was a kid, I asked my mum what a couple was and she said, 'Oh, two or three'. And she wonders why her marriage didn't work out.'

 

[HunterMarkus]

'How come Miss Universe is only won by people from Earth?'

 

[HunterMarkus]

'I'm so ugly. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.'

 

[Bruce]

So this hunter and part time actor is really battling to keep an acting job.. HE REALLY wants to be an actor. Trouble is, he is so nervous on stage that he forgets his lines.
The Theatre committee feels sorry for him and decide that in the coming Shakespeare play they will give him a VERY easy part to play... with minimum talking.
Matt is VERY happy with this and practices his one liner day in and day out... all he has to do is at a certain time walk onto the stage, after somebody has fired off a shot, and say.. HARK, I hear a pistol shot!!
Anyway, all goes well and finally the first night opening arrives. Matt is so nervous by now that he goes to the bar around the corner and chases down a good few shots of Jack to calm his nervous... trouble is he downs a couple too many!!
At the allotted time, Matt rushes onto the stage and shouts.. HARK, I hear a shistol pot... I mean a postil shit.. OHHHH shit I'm shot... F$%K I'm fired !!!