gillettehunter
AH legend
>>
>>> Management Course
>>> Lesson 1:
>>>
>>> A man is into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
>>>
>>> The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
>>>
>>> When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
>>>
>>> Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
>>>
>>>
>>> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
>>>
>>>
>>> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
>>>
>>> When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
>>>
>>> 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
>>>
>>> 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Moral of the story:
>>>
>>> If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Lesson 2:
>>>
>>>
>>> A priest offered a Nun a lift.
>>>
>>> She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
>>>
>>> The priest nearly had an accident.
>>>
>>> After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg..
>>>
>>> The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>>>
>>> The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
>>> The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>>>
>>> The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
>>>
>>> Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
>>> and went on her way.
>>>
>>> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
>>>
>>> Moral of the story:
>>> If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Lesson 3:
>>>
>>> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
>>>
>>> They rub it and a Genie comes out.
>>> The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
>>> 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
>>> Puff! She's gone.
>>>
>>> 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
>>>
>>> Puff! He's gone.
>>>
>>> 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
>>> The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
>>> lunch.'
>>>
>>>
>>> Moral of the story:
>>> Always let your boss have the first say.
>>>
>>> Lesson 4
>>>
>>>
>>> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
>>>
>>> A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
>>> The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
>>>
>>> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>>>
>>> Moral of the story:
>>> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Lesson 5
>>>
>>> A turkey was chatting with a bull.
>>>
>>> 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
>>> 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
>>>
>>> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
>>>
>>> The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
>>>
>>> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
>>>
>>> He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
>>>
>>>
>>> Moral of the story:
>>> Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Lesson 6
>>>
>>>
>>> A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
>>>
>>> While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
>>>
>>> As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
>>>
>>> The dung was actually thawing him out!
>>>
>>> He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
>>> A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
>>>
>>> Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
>>>
>>>
>>> Morals of the story:
>>> (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
>>>
>>> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
>>> friend.
>>>
>>> (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
>>> your mouth shut!
>>>
>>>
>>> THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
>>> Management Course
>>> Lesson 1:
>>>
>>> A man is into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
>>>
>>> The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
>>>
>>> When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
>>>
>>> Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
>>>
>>>
>>> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
>>>
>>>
>>> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
>>>
>>> When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
>>>
>>> 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
>>>
>>> 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Moral of the story:
>>>
>>> If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Lesson 2:
>>>
>>>
>>> A priest offered a Nun a lift.
>>>
>>> She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
>>>
>>> The priest nearly had an accident.
>>>
>>> After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg..
>>>
>>> The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>>>
>>> The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
>>> The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>>>
>>> The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
>>>
>>> Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
>>> and went on her way.
>>>
>>> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
>>>
>>> Moral of the story:
>>> If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Lesson 3:
>>>
>>> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
>>>
>>> They rub it and a Genie comes out.
>>> The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
>>> 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
>>> Puff! She's gone.
>>>
>>> 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
>>>
>>> Puff! He's gone.
>>>
>>> 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
>>> The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
>>> lunch.'
>>>
>>>
>>> Moral of the story:
>>> Always let your boss have the first say.
>>>
>>> Lesson 4
>>>
>>>
>>> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
>>>
>>> A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
>>> The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
>>>
>>> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>>>
>>> Moral of the story:
>>> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Lesson 5
>>>
>>> A turkey was chatting with a bull.
>>>
>>> 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
>>> 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
>>>
>>> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
>>>
>>> The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
>>>
>>> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
>>>
>>> He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
>>>
>>>
>>> Moral of the story:
>>> Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Lesson 6
>>>
>>>
>>> A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
>>>
>>> While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
>>>
>>> As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
>>>
>>> The dung was actually thawing him out!
>>>
>>> He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
>>> A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
>>>
>>> Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
>>>
>>>
>>> Morals of the story:
>>> (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
>>>
>>> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
>>> friend.
>>>
>>> (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
>>> your mouth shut!
>>>
>>>
>>> THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
