Lottery

[35bore]

A husband says to his wife......

"What would you do if I won the lottery?"

She says.......

"I would take half of your winnings, then leave you."

"Excellent", he replies....

"I won 12 bucks, here's $6, now get out."

 

[35bore]

A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an
Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite
Side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious
State. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to
Both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, "This Marine was heavily armed and moving north along the
Highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw
Each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled
To him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got
What he deserved. and he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying,
Good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American. So I said
That Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited
Lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!
And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a
Truck hit us."

 

[bcarper]

The day after his wife disappeared In a kayaking accident, an Anchorage
man answered his door to find two grim faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your
wife", said one of the troopers.

"Tell me! Did you find her?", Wilkens exclaimed.

... The troopers looked at each other.

One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great
news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, the ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad News
first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we
found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay ."

"Oh my God!", exclaimed Wilkens.

Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12
twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging
to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's
the great news?"

The trooper replied, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow.See more


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[35bore]

Very good bcarper. you got any more. My wife even laughed...