The Drunk & The Bartender

Discussion in 'Humorous Jokes, Stories or Pictures' started by Stocky, Jun 14, 2013.

  1. Stocky

    Stocky AH Veteran

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    So this scrawny guy, seemingly inebriated, gets up from his table and staggers over to the bar whereby the muscled, unshaven brute of a bartender steps up and asks him what he's having.

    "Bahtender," the drunk retorts, "I'll have three shots of Cuervo, straight up."

    The bartender obliges and the drunk throws them down 1-2-3.

    "Bahtender, you look like a game schort of fellow," he slurs as he pulls a quarter out of his pocket, slaps it on the bar and covers it with a shot glass, "I'll bet you double-or-nothin' on those shots I can mix these shot glasses up and you can't tell me which glass its under."

    Not being as dumb as he looks, the bartender takes him up on his offer.

    Schuck, schuck, schuck, the drunk mixes the glasses up on his shell game and declares, "There, go ahead and guess, which one!?"

    The bartender points directly at the middle glass and laughs, "There, pay up!"

    The drunk peeks under the glass exclaiming, "Sonofabitch."

    He pulls a fifty out of his wallet, slaps it down and challenges again "One, (hiccup) one more time for thish fifty!? But thish time, I'm gunna' mix'em up REAL good."

    "Yer on!" proclaims the keep. Schuck, schuck, schuck, the drunk mixes the glasses once again.

    "That One!" the bartender declares, scooping up the $50 bill "Shot glasses are clear, I can see right thru them, you lush. I can see the quarter right there!"

    "Sonofabictch!" the drunk declares as he falls off the stool. "You're right! You gotta gimme a chance to get even!"

    So he slides the shot glasses to the bartender and instructs, as he pulls out a fresh c-note, "I'll bet you this hundred-dollar bill right here, you can take these three glasses waaaay down there to the other end of your bar, and I can stand on this barstool right here and piss in them all, fill them to the brim without spilling one single, little bitty drop!"

    "Buddy, you're drunk," replies the bartender, feeling a little guilty for taking such advantage. "You can't even stand, much less stand on a barstool and pee in a shot glass twenty feet away."

    "You're chicken," the drunk states accusingly, "You might be bigger than me, but must just know I am better than you and can do it."

    "Okay" says the barkeep smugly, "Its your money and I'm more than happy to take it! But I'm gonna' put the money over here just in case. (chuckle)"

    So the bartender puts the shot glasses at the end of the bar as the challenger mounts the stool, whips it out and starts peeing, needless to say all over the bar, the bartender, the stools and the floor.

    "Ha, ha, ha, you stupid drunk," mocks the bartender as he happily pockets the hundred and starts wiping urine off everything, "You didn't even REACH the shot glasses!"

    "Oh, ya?" says the guy with his pecker in his hand, "You think I'm stupid? You see those four guys I was sitting with over there? I bet them each $200 I could piss all over you AND your bar and you'd clean it up with a smile!"
  2. BnC 04

    BnC 04 TITANIUM SUPPORTER SILVER SUPPORTER AH Enthusiast

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    :laughing: I can just imagine what would have happened next... Love it
  3. enysse

    enysse AH Ambassador

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    +1, I bet!
  4. bluey

    bluey GOLD SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    ha ha ha hA
    love it
  5. Wheels

    Wheels GOLD SUPPORTER AH Elite

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    +1 Good one.
  6. Nyati

    Nyati AH Legend

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    :clap::clap::clap:
  7. timbear

    timbear AH Enthusiast

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    :punch::letsparty:A quick wit is best accompanied by quick reflexes!:bolt:

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