E-bay Idiots

Discussion in 'Humorous Jokes, Stories or Pictures' started by gillettehunter, Mar 18, 2013.

  1. gillettehunter

    gillettehunter AH Fanatic

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    Just had a message from someone on eBay accusing us of bidding on our own auction and threatening to report us to eBay.



    I decided to reply to him and thought I would share my response with you guys......



    Are you nuts? How do you think we make money on eBay? With only 16 feedback obviously you don't realize that bidding on your own items is a time honored custom for fast tracking to monetary success. Now I can see that you're one shrewd cookie the way you've pierced our bidding smokescreens so I'll let you in on a little secret.....we successfully bid on and win 96.7% of our own auctions (please pay no mind to the fact that 78.4% of statistics are made up on the spot). Our formulas show that letting the other 3.3% go through to someone else, creates a credible front of fairness and genuineness. We have utilized thousands upon thousands of shill bidders across the country to help us perpetuate this shell game to our ultimate (yet somewhat devious) benefit. We're still fine tuning the math but we're fairly certain that by spending the time and effort of posting auctions, paying the listing fees, winning the auctions, paying the fees, using paypal, paying the fees, but not actually shipping the items and keeping them for ourselves that we will ultimately turn a tidy and substantial profit. And if by chance this ends up not being the case, we are extremely confident that we can make up for any losses in volume. So we beg of you, please, don't inform the eBay Gods of our little ruse. In fact we would even be willing to offer you a little "Payola" for your complicite silence.....if you send us a self addressed stamped envelope, we will secretly reward you with eleven cents (sent in small denominations so as not to raise any red flags). Once again, we applaud your intellect in detecting our little hustle, but please don't destroy our business model to wealth! Thank you for your consideration.





    sometimes it's the little things in life that give you pleasure.....



    here's the eBay tards response to me.........





    My other eBay site has 22,155 feedbacks you dumb idiot.

    Secondly I am on the phone with eBay trust and safety right now as I cutt and paste your message and gave it to them. Also it is a felony in your state to schill bid so you are also being reported to the local authorities.

    If I were you, I would take your .11 cents and save it in a fund for your bail.

    You are the scum on the bottom of my shoe that I walk on everyday.

    Thank you.




    and of course I couldn't just let it lie......I had to respond back!



    Oh.....I didn't realize you were serious! In that case I up my offer to 14 cents for your silence! Please reconsider!


    I am a little confused though so maybe you can help me out. Since you are aware of the felony laws in my state in reference to shill bidding, I was curious as to if I can use shill bidders in other states if they are not from my state? Also, in what state does an eBay auction technically take place? California where eBay's home office is, or my state, or the state the bidder's in, or is this like a multi-national law that encompasses Indiana too? It's all kinda confusing for me. I really don't want to mess things up. This is so cool that you responded to me though. I didn't realize you had over 22,000 feedback on one of your other accounts! Yowie kazowie, you're like an eBay rock star! Maybe you could help mentor me, that would be beyond cool. So do you just use your little 16 feedback account for nefarious things? Or to do good and enlighten the little people? I have so may questions for you, it's crazy! I can tell you're one smart dude. I'm just a little ole Hoosier, but I can still dream.
    So, if you agree to the mentor thing let me know and I'll throw in an extra nickel when I get your self addressed stamped envelope. Let's get rich together!
    And when you said I was like the scum on the bottom of your shoe was that a good thing? Or were you just poking fun at me???? I hope you have a righteous weekend and I'm so glad the stars have aligned to let our paths cross! I'm stoked. xoxoxoxoxox
  2. timbear

    timbear AH Enthusiast

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    Don't Feed the Animals! Gillettehunter, I am afraid your rather intricate wit is completely wasted on such a moron...:headscratch:
  3. Jaco Strauss

    Jaco Strauss AH Elite

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    I think it went right over his head...... good entertaining reading though!!!

    My best always (But not as good as Bill Sullivan's) :)
  4. BRICKBURN

    BRICKBURN SUPER MODERATOR CONTRIBUTOR GOLD BENEFACTOR AH Ambassador

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    "I hope you have a righteous weekend and I'm so glad the stars have aligned to let our paths cross!"

    Hilarious.
  5. Bobpuckett

    Bobpuckett GOLD SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    Bruce your killing me! Did an Idiot really email you that? I'm begaining to think if his parents got divorced they'd still be 1st cousins.
  6. gillettehunter

    gillettehunter AH Fanatic

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    I have to admit that it happened to a business acquaintance of mine. He posted on our business forum. I thought many here would get a laugh out of reading it. Bruce
  7. Rob44

    Rob44 BRONZE SUPPORTER AH Fanatic

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    I wonder if he,s one of Obama,s personal Advisors
  8. milford

    milford AH Veteran

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    Thanks for this made my day
  9. Stretch

    Stretch AH Fanatic

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    Way to funny Bob. Bruce LMAO buddy. "Ain't no fixin stupid"

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