on a lighter note...

JOHN GRENZ

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D104CBBD-D236-48B5-B046-41E98928FD78.jpeg
 

spike.t

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spike.t

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Ridge Runner

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This reminds me a joke I read or heard a long time ago.

A medical doctor went to do field work in an very remote African village. The tribal chief and the doctor became really good friends over the 2 years the doctor had been in the village.

One day a young village girl had a baby, it was a white baby. This angered the villager. After much fussing and fear of retaliation the chief knew he must do something but the doctor was his good friend.

The tribal chief invited the doctor for a walk outside the village to discuss the chief's predicament. And maybe the doctor could help the chief to determine a suitable punishment.

When the conversation gave way to the chief's problem, the doctor preceded to explain genetics and how not uncommon for a recessive gene to become a dominant gene and this create an offspring of a different color or have multiple colors.

The chief didn't quite fully understand what the doctor was explaining using big words and terms and such.

The doctor then turned and pointed to the villages herd of sheep and said to the chief: You see all the sheep of the village are white, yet there by the tree there is one black sheep.

Before the doctor could finish his explanation the chief raised his hand to silence the doctor and said: Nevermind, I will figure out how to explain the white baby to my people down. You keep my secret, I'll keep yours.
 

Ridge Runner

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So I went to a new doctor last week for a check up.
Be very aware when a doctor goes Ah humm, Oh hmmm and OK E.

Walked, rather limped, into the waiting area. Where I was greeted by a rather young, dropped dead gorgeous looking gal, wearing a rather sexy nurse's outfit more for role playing than for a professional office.

The nurse asks me the routine questions: height, weight, insurance, etc. Then checks my blood pressure Oh Yeah, it was high. Did I mention she was gorgeous? With really nice long shapely legs, rather well rounded hooters nearly popping out the top and I couldn't help noticing her shear white panties when she slightly bent over.
I'll admit I've got some age but I sure as hell ain't dead....yet.

Doc: Nurse says you have a limp.

Me: My right hip but mainly my right knee hurts. Doc.

Doc: Ah humm. Any other aches or pains?

Me: My left knee and lower back.

Doc:
Ah humm. OK E.
Let's take a look, he gets a
tongue depressor, open wide say ahh.
Ah humm.
Remove your shirt, and he listens to my heart and lungs.
Oh hmmm.
Let's check your mobility. Bend at the waist and try to touch your toes.

Me: My stomach grumbles. I skipped breakfast and it's almost 1pm.

Doc:
Ah humm.
With his stethoscope he listens and feels around my mid section.
Ok E.

He probes and prods for about an hour continually going Ah hmm, Oh hmm, Ok E.

The nurse comes in the two of them move slightly further away from me, in muffled speech. They turn, look at me.

Doc: Could you hear what we were saying?

Me: No. It was mumbling.

Doc:
Ok E.
Nurse, we are going to need a second pad.
You can put your shirt back on now we are done.

The nurse returns and hands the doctor 2 prescription pads. He looks over each page, then he hands the 2 pads to me. You have aids.

Me: (in a shocked tone) AIDS?!.

Doc:
Yes. Prescriptions for:
Hearing aids,
Walking aids,
Eating aids,
Aids for sleeping, indigestion, heartburn, pain, energy, blood pressure, etc.

Oh, no not AIDS.

Me:
What was all the Ah hmms, Oh hmms, Ok E, and Yes.

Doc:
Well my nurse and I have a system. When I say; Ah hmm, she writes a prescription.
When I say; Oh hmm, she doesn't write a prescription.
When I say; Yes, She writes several more prescriptions and knows the exam is finished.

The doctor and nurse each gave me a big smile and a thank you.

Me: Thank you?

Doc:
Oh, Kay E. (the nurse) and I are getting married this weekend. We could only afford a free weekend honeymoon in Vegas. Thanks to you; that is the V.A., your medicare insurance, and the big pharmaceutical companies, we are now able to travel business class on Delta Airlines for a month long honeymoon in Africa. We will be able to hunt all of the dangerous 7, various plains game, travel to Victoria Falls, and do a couple of wine tasting tours.

By the way, we'll see you again for your next appointment in 6 weeks. I'll do your knee surgeries then..... we'll be needing a new house with a large trophy room, and to pay for all the taxidermy work and shipping costs when we get back.
 

Ridge Runner

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A guy goes to a doctor for his annual physical.

First doctor tells him the bad news, you have a terrible non treatable disease and less than a year to live.

The guy shocked by this news goes to a second doctor 2 weeks later.

Second doctor tells him the bad news, you have a terrible non treatable disease and less than six months to live.

The guy horrified by this news, goes to a third doctor 2 weeks later.

Third doctor gives him a much more thorough exam. Tells him I'm surprised your still alive. I amazed you can still button those 34 inch trousers around your 38 inch guy. Wear the proper size clothes you should live a longer life.

The guy joyously relieved he is going to live returns to the first doctor 9months later to tell him how horrible the doctor was telling him he had less than a year to live.

The doctor tells him: I have photos of you and my wife having sex, pulls out a gun and shoots him.

As the man lies on the examination floor dieing, the doctor bends over him, then says my diagnosis was correct you were caught having sex with my wife again, I knew you would be back in my office in less than a year.
 

Hogpatrol

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Guy, a virgin, marries a woman whose been married multiple times. Wedding night, they go to the hotel room. He begins to remove his clothes, the trousers come off first. She notices his knees are all bumpy and red. She questions him and he replies it's leftover from one of his childhood diseases, called it kneesels. Next he takes off his sox and she notices his toes somewhat large and with the same bumps. She asks him about that and he says it's another leftover from a childhood disease called tolio. He then drops his underwear. She glances at him and says. "Hmm, looks like you suffered from another malady too, smallcox.
 

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