My roommate is an addict

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Eric Anderson, Dec 8, 2018.

  1. Von S.

    Von S. AH Fanatic

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    Eric,

    Everyone here is being a nice guy and these days if we roll up our sleeves and cut loose with the truth some people get the vapors and run around dropping water while attempting to get everyone to dog pile on you and say what a heartless guy your are if you snatch his ass up and punch his piss bag out for disrespecting you and tossing his junkie ass to the curb so don't you do it!

    I'll do it for you....and semper Fi
     

  2. Wheels

    Wheels AH ENABLER AH Legend

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    Your a good man for trying to help a friend. Sorry you are having to go through this.
     

  3. Eric Anderson

    Eric Anderson AH Enthusiast

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    Thanks for the words of encouragement everyone.
    I am taking the loss of my grandfathers truck really hard. It was old, the trim was letting go, it had a few dents in it from when I misjudged the proper line on a slick hill in the pasture and tapped a tree, and I swear no matter how many times I vacuumed I was still pulling up lab and retriever hair.
    It had a great ride though, and that fuel injected 454 always seemed to have a bit more available when hauling cattle.
    It had character, and that character was of a great man that because of his machine skills was on the do not draft list, but volunteered anyway for the Navy because he didn’t want somebody who was less able to have to go in his place. He loved my grandmother with his entire being until his dying breath.
     
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  4. Michael Dean

    Michael Dean AH Enthusiast

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    I'm currently going through the same problem; got a call a couple weeks ago from my nephew asking to see me right away (he lives two hours from me) he was at my front door two hours later a total mess in withdrawal. Said he needed to get into detox and asked for help. It took two days to find a bed. So, I had him at my house for two days. I was furious because he borrowed $700 weeks earlier from me explaining to me he neede the money to repair his car. I now know where the money went.

    I have chronic back pain from injuries I sustained years ago. I quickly realized he came to me because he wanted access to my medication. That got locked in my safe. For two days he begged me for medication, is was like dealing with a three year old who wouldn't take no for an answer. On the second night he went out for cigarets, thirty minutes later I got a call from police telling me that he'd been driving all over the road and almost hit a telephone pole. They gave me the option of picking him up and taking custody of him or else they'd place him in custody for the night. I picked him up.

    Finally got the call that a bed was available and I got him to rehab. The tough part is getting him to realize that he needs 3-4 months of treatment. I don't think he's going to make it because he refuses to accept the reality that he's a full blown addict.
     

  5. JimP

    JimP AH Elite

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    I had a friend that was that way. He went to rehab twice to get clean and each time only lasted less than 6 months after he got out. We finally came to the conclusion that he didn't want to stay clean. When he had jobs they were good jobs but sooner or later that random drug test would pop up and he would be fired. This went on for 10 or so years until he got high and his girlfriend ended up dead with a knife wound. He claims that he didn't do it but the circumstances point the other way.

    He has now been clean for close to 20 years doing life in the Colorado State pen. It was sad to see such a life wasted as his was.

    We also came to the belief that sometimes tough love is the best that you can do to a addict. If they want to get clean and stay clean they usually do, but there is usually also a problem with those that they hang around with and unless they change their whole lifestyle nothing is going to change.
     
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  6. Certus

    Certus AH Senior Member

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    Duterte seems to have a working system ;)
     
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  7. Ridgewalker

    Ridgewalker AH ENABLER LIFETIME BRONZE BENEFACTOR AH Legend

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    Wish I had an easy answer for this type of situation, but I don’t. Lost one child due to drugs destroying her body. A friend’s son was shot and killed by his drug pusher. We kicked a grandson out for bringing drugs into our house (seems to have worked on him, our fingers are crossed!) Lost a friend years ago whose heart went they believe due to drugs. Our only living child was put on diazopene by a psychiatrist (he has lost his license now) and was addicted for 10 years until she got into AA/AN.
    The list goes on. Life is brutal when drugs are involved.
    Sorry about your truck and all the memories it held for you, but you still have the memories.
    Best of luck in your decision on what to do!
     

  8. spike.t

    spike.t AH ENABLER SPONSOR Since 2013 AH Ambassador

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    Till they want help anything you try to do is a waste of time....they need to hit rock bottom and then maybe they will realise and want help....but most still won't.......
     
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  9. Hogpatrol

    Hogpatrol AH ENABLER SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    ^^^^^^ THIS^^^^^^^^

    EVERY addicts KNOWS what they need to do. Personal responsibility, it's a lost virtue.
     

  10. Ragman

    Ragman AH Elite

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    @Eric Anderson I'm sorry your "friend" did this to you while you were trying to help him. You didn't deserve that. @Ridgewalker I am so sorry for your loss and the grief that drugs have inflicted on you and yours. You are a strong man.
    Drugs have never entered into my life or affected the people in it, but they are definitely present in my community. It is my biggest fear that one or more of my stepchildren get tempted by pushers or friends into trying them. My first set are now 20, 18 and 15 and I am pretty sure that I can stop worrying about them. My second set are just 10 and 11 and the boy is pretty prone to peer pressure. We will do our best and hope that we all make it through the teen years OK.
     
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  11. Johnny reb

    Johnny reb AH Veteran

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    Eric sorry you’re having to deal with this. I’ve been dealing with the same thing with my brother for a few years. He went to a local rehab where he admitted hisself and stayed about a week and checked out. Was pulled over a week or so later and had a couple pills and a straw on him. So off they go judge helps him out he does some better for about a month. Then gets completely out there my mom worries about him. I talk him into going to an out of state rehab facility that I paid for. Comes back starts working think he’s doing good and find out him and his wife both get picked up and have lost custody of the kids. I’m at my end I don’t know what to do.I do know you or me can’t help if they don’t really want the help. I don’t want to see him Locked up but I’ll take that versus getting a phone call saying he had an overdose hang in there.
     

  12. wesheltonj

    wesheltonj AH Elite

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    This is not what you want to hear, but just let the Judge sentence him and do his time (where he will be somewhat drug free) or continue him probation with a state run treatment facility, if it's available your state.

    The state run treatment most likely will not work either and he will have to be sent back for relapse (just my opinion, based on experience). Depending on the state, that time may or may not count toward his sentence, but the time waiting on a bed might. For example, in my state when I send someone to treatment, it's 6 to 9 months behind a fence (they cant' leave on their own) and the time spent there does not count (it's dead time) but the time waiting in jail for a bed does. So I usually have lots of time available to send them to jail for future screw ups. Another option, if the County in which he lives has a "Treatment Court" not as restrictive as in-patient. They have to go to court weekly, have a treatment plan, test weekly, and spend time in jail for a few days for each screw up. I served on my States' curriculum committee until a few weeks ago. They do have a high success rate for completion but not sure about the long term rate. It's very structured and without follow-up it would be easy to relapse.

    No state run treatment facility, have his lawyer ask the Judge to send him to a therapeutic unit if your state has them better then nothing.

    I have been to lots of open AA/NA meetings as an observer, and from what I have experienced, most have some underlying mental problem other then just addiction that needs to be addressed.
     
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  13. Johnny reb

    Johnny reb AH Veteran

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    Wes thanks for the information I will see what I can find out. I’m like anyone else I don’t want to see him go to jail but it will sure as hell beat the other option. I know I was hopeful when I sent him to a rehab facility out of state and it was not cheap.
     
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  14. flat8

    flat8 AH Enthusiast

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    Very sorry. Addicts are the most selfish people on the planet. The hell they personally go through can't compare to the hell they put those who love them through.
     

  15. spike.t

    spike.t AH ENABLER SPONSOR Since 2013 AH Ambassador

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    Too true.....
     
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  16. Johnny reb

    Johnny reb AH Veteran

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    You’ve got that right about being selfish. My brother for instance thinks people should just keep On doing whatever he wants them to do. Mostly it’s him wanting money. When you tell him no then you’re a sorry m*****f****r. That won’t help him. He don’t want to remember all the money I’ve gave him earlier on and the $10000+ that I paid myself to get him into a facility. Not to mention his kids which he’s not got custody of right now and isn’t even allowed to see. Those kids used to be his number 1 priority and now there not.
     

  17. GuttormG

    GuttormG AH Veteran

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    I have experienced and seen this in very close family. Took me a very long time to accept the reality, they can not be helped by us. They just drag us down with them.
     

  18. tarbe

    tarbe AH ENABLER AH Legend

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    A very sobering thread (no pun intended).

    As I read through this litany of bad decisions and lives on the edge, I am reminded of, and thankful for, all the lives like this that have found redemption.

    God bless those who work and pray to help all the addicts. And God bless the former addicts. May He give them strength to stay clean.
     
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  19. IdaRam

    IdaRam BRONZE SUPPORTER AH Elite

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    @Eric Anderson , my heart goes out to you. I am truly sorry you are dealing with this. I have walked in your shoes. I know your pain. May God bless you for your kindness and willingness to sacrifice for someone else. I have learned the hard way that no matter how much you want to save them, it rarely works out. As much as I wish this were not the case, I would not put myself through the ordeal again. I won’t go down that road ever again for anyone.
     

  20. gesch

    gesch AH Veteran

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    I will pray for you and your friend. Thank you for your compassion and love. You are a great example to all of us.
     

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