Marital Humor

[AkMike]

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our
marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'


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Stress Reliever

Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your
worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't
have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

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Son: 'Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this
morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you did the right thing.'
Son: 'But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'

________________________________

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have
married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you,
NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

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A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like
most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied:
'I like your sense of humor!'

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Husbands are husbands

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked.

The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.

The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on' the wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.

Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'

 

[Nyati]

:clap::clap::clap:

 

[Bob Nelson 35Whelen]

If love is blind and marriage is an institution all us married people must be living in an institute for the blind.

 

[CAustin]

Thanks for sharing

 

[Bob Nelson 35Whelen]

Thanks for sharing

@CAustin
I used to call my wife Angel
She was always up in the air and harping about something.
Bob

 

[Tgood1]

Holy shit thats fantastic

 

[CAustin]

@CAustin
I used to call my wife Angel
She was always up in the air and harping about something.
Bob

Damn that’s good

 

[Wyatt Smith]

A friend of said that his wife was looking in the mirror saying things like
“I’ve let myself go.”
“I’m getting wrinkled.”
“My butt is getting bigger.”
She told him he needed to say something good and positive about her.
So he replied,
“You have 20-20 vision.”