I stole and reposted this inspirational story from Jens Ulrik High who in turn credits Duane Jacobs for it. A Colonial British Army Colonel, who received a promotion, was relinquishing his command to a replacement officer, a Major Cuthbertson, from England, in his post as Regimental officer. After Major Cuthbertson's arrival and the pomp and ceremony had come to an end, they had some cucumber sandwiches, and were sipping on their G&Ts, when the Colonel said: "Cuthbertson, I need to confide in you: Three-quarters, of my success, is based on my reliance on my adjutant, Lieutenant Perceival. He is a fine man, and I would very much like you to meet him!" Cuthbertson was eager to meet a man that was carrying such massive approval from this renowned Colonel, and agreed eagerly to meet Lt. Perceival immediately. Lt. Perceival was summoned and arrived promptly... In hobbled an absolute dreg of humanity. A man so repulsive in appearance that he resembled an ogre, but squished into the body of a deformed dwarf, standing no more than four foot tall, with a hunchback, and smelling like a hyena. His scarred and pockmarked face had an insipid, malarial sheen to it. Surprised, and a little bit flustered the Major spluttered: " Ah! Perceival, I presume! The Colonel speaks highly of you! Please tell me more about yourself!" "Well..." Lt. Perceival said in a very warm, educated, voice: "I was first in my class at Sandhurst, and have represented the Queen throughout the British Empire, on four Continents and have received the Victoria Cross for valour in combat. I am an expert Polo player, and I represented the England team against Australia in Cricket! I am also an excellent ballroom dancer...". Just as Cuthbertson's mouth was about to drop open in amazement, that such a creature could be so accomplished, the Colonel interrupted: "Yes, yes, Perceival! He can read all of that in your file! Tell him about the time you told the Witch-doctor to f**k-off!"