gillettehunter
AH legend
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my husband
purchased a week of personal training at the
local health club.
Although I am still in
great shape since being a high school football
cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be
a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I
called the club and made my reservations with a
personal trainer named Christo, who identified
himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and
model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to
get started! The club encouraged me to keep a
diary to chart my progress.
______________________________ __
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m.
Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well
worth it when I arrived at the health club to
find Christo waiting for me. He is something of
a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and
a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the
machines... I enjoyed watching the skillful way
in which he conducted his aerobics class after
my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo
was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my
gut was already aching from holding it in the
whole time he was around. This is going to be a
FANTASTIC week!!
______________________________ __
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee,
but I finally made it out the door.
Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy
iron bar into the air then he put weights on
it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
treadmill, but I made the full mile. His
rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel
GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
______________________________ _
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my
teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter
and moving my mouth back and forth over
it. I believe I have a hernia in both
pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I
didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of
a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was
impatient with me, insisting that my screams
bothered other club members.. His voice is
a little too perky for that early in the morning
and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine
that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I
got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the
stair monster. Why would anyone invent a
machine to simulate an activity rendered
obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it
would help me get in shape and enjoy life.
He said some other crap too.
______________________________ _
THURSDAY:
Butt hole was waiting for me
with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin,
cruel lips were pulled back in a full
snarl. I couldn't help being a half an
hour late-- it took me that long to tie my
shoes.
He took me to work out with
dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and
hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny
witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he
put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
______________________________ ___
FRIDAY:
I hate that jackass Christo more
than any human being has ever hated any other
human being in the history of the world. Stupid,
skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic
instructor. If there was a part of my body
I could move without unbearable pain, I would
beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work
on my triceps. I don't have any
triceps! And if you don't want dents in
the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or
anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a
health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't
it have been someone softer, like the drama
coach or the choir director?
______________________________ __
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my
answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice
wondering why I did not show up today.
Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the
machine with my planner; however, I lacked the
strength to even use the TV remote and ended up
catching eleven straight hours of the Weather
Channel..
______________________________ __
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick
me up for services today so I can go and thank
GOD that this week is over. I will also
pray that next year my husband will choose a
gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a
hysterectomy. I still say if God had
wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled
the floor with diamonds!!!
For my birthday this year, my husband
purchased a week of personal training at the
local health club.
Although I am still in
great shape since being a high school football
cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be
a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I
called the club and made my reservations with a
personal trainer named Christo, who identified
himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and
model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to
get started! The club encouraged me to keep a
diary to chart my progress.
______________________________ __
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m.
Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well
worth it when I arrived at the health club to
find Christo waiting for me. He is something of
a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and
a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the
machines... I enjoyed watching the skillful way
in which he conducted his aerobics class after
my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo
was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my
gut was already aching from holding it in the
whole time he was around. This is going to be a
FANTASTIC week!!
______________________________ __
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee,
but I finally made it out the door.
Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy
iron bar into the air then he put weights on
it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
treadmill, but I made the full mile. His
rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel
GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
______________________________ _
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my
teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter
and moving my mouth back and forth over
it. I believe I have a hernia in both
pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I
didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of
a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was
impatient with me, insisting that my screams
bothered other club members.. His voice is
a little too perky for that early in the morning
and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine
that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I
got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the
stair monster. Why would anyone invent a
machine to simulate an activity rendered
obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it
would help me get in shape and enjoy life.
He said some other crap too.
______________________________ _
THURSDAY:
Butt hole was waiting for me
with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin,
cruel lips were pulled back in a full
snarl. I couldn't help being a half an
hour late-- it took me that long to tie my
shoes.
He took me to work out with
dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and
hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny
witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he
put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
______________________________ ___
FRIDAY:
I hate that jackass Christo more
than any human being has ever hated any other
human being in the history of the world. Stupid,
skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic
instructor. If there was a part of my body
I could move without unbearable pain, I would
beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work
on my triceps. I don't have any
triceps! And if you don't want dents in
the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or
anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a
health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't
it have been someone softer, like the drama
coach or the choir director?
______________________________ __
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my
answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice
wondering why I did not show up today.
Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the
machine with my planner; however, I lacked the
strength to even use the TV remote and ended up
catching eleven straight hours of the Weather
Channel..
______________________________ __
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick
me up for services today so I can go and thank
GOD that this week is over. I will also
pray that next year my husband will choose a
gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a
hysterectomy. I still say if God had
wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled
the floor with diamonds!!!
!
