Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

Life is like Toilet paper... you're either on a roll or taking crap from some butthole.

If someday we all go to prison for downloading music illegally, I hope they split us up by music genres.

The only question I have is help in figuring out a way to call in sick for 9-10 days and then explain why you look so healthy upon your return!

Then there was an older couple who went to the Doctor's office because the poor wife wasn't feeling well. After completing a physical exam and not finding anything wrong, the DR. had them run a series of blood tests to determine the problem. After several hours the Doctor called the husband aside and asked him to his office to speak. When they were seated he explained to the man that the laboratory has accidentally mixed his wife's blood work with another patient and subsequently had combined test results. The results showed that two diseases were present, alzheimers and aides but they didn't know which was his wife's.

Looking at the doctor now totally confused, the husband asked the doctor what he should do. The doctor replied, "well sir it it were me, I'd take your wife out to dinner to a nice restaurant and shortly before your finished eating I excuse myself and go home alone without her. Then, if she finds her way home alone I'd suggest that you don't have sex with her!"

So there's this ornery old black crow living out on GIZMOS Rockin G Ranch... problem is, this old crow is also just as horny as he is ornery... he spends his days screwing everything that moves on the ranch... first all the local crows up stakes and move out. The crow resorts to attacking and raping the hens, then the roosters until they also pack up and leave... GIZMO is doing jack shit about this state of affairs...
Feeling really horny this particular day and NOTHING left to screw, the clever old crow spots some buzzards up in the sky... the crow moves out towards the barn area and lies down in the open, doing a fantastic job of playing dead.. hoping to lure down the buzzards and then having his way with them. As he looks up to the buzzards who are now getting ever lower and lower, the crow spots an owl in the rafters of the barn. The owl is studying this crow with real interest... the crow looks back at the owl, winks and says... sshhh... you are next!!!!
The owl replies HOO HOO... the crow replies , what the hell do you mean WHO WHO... YOU you flat faced bastard!!!

Son: Daddy, I got punished in school today.

Dad: Why?

Son: My teacher pointed the scale towards me saying, "At the end of this scale there is an idiot.".

I just asked "Which End?".

An old man was LYING IN HIS DEATH bed upstairs. His favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath he was sure he could smell freshly-backed chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table. He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies.

Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DONT TOUCH THOSE - THEY' RE FOR THE FUNERAL!!!"

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"

*Nobody stands up

Teacher: "I'm sure there are some stupid students over here!!"

*Little Johnny stands up

Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"

Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016 Why do I have to take an observer from Lianga Safaris???????

Michael Dean said:

Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016 Why do I have to take an observer from Lianga Safaris???????

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You obviously have have met the ladies in charge there To heck with Hermann, his lovely wife Annette seems more than capable!

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction. The poodle thinks, "Oh, oh!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That poodle nearly had me!" Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back so you can watch me chew that poodle to bits!" Now, the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and waits until they get just close enough to hear. "Where's that damn monkey?" the poodle says, "I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"