Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

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A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being chased by Farmer Giles with a shotgun. After 10 minutes of running they spotted a barn and ran inside.
Once inside they each hid in a old sack against the barn wall. The farmer went into the barn but did not see where they went, he was about to turn back when he saw three suspicious looking sacks. He walked forward and prodded the first sack with his gun. The Englishman inside said... ''Meow'.'
"Just cats," he thought.
He then prodded the second sack. The Welshman, hearing how the Englishman got off said... ''Woof'.'
"Just dogs," he thought.
As he walked towards the last sack, the Irishman worked out what he was going to say. As soon as the farmer prodded his sack he said... ''Potatoes!''
 
Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."
 
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
 
Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing.

He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather
forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there
was no chance of rain in the coming days.

So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen.

On the way he met a farmer on his donkey.

Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your
Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a
short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area".

The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "I hold the palace
meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and
experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high wages. He
gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on
my way." So he continued on his way.

However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The
King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon
seeing them in such a shameful condition.

Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire
the professional. Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the
prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.

The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about
forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey.
If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it
will rain."

So the king hired the donkey.
And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in the
government.
 
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
 
A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog."

"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered.

"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
 
I made love to my girlfriend in the lift of a multi storey car park ........................................................................ that was so wrong on so many levels
 
I took all the german names out of my mobile telephone .............................................................................. it is now Hans free
 
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Hauling lumber Rwandan style!
 
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
 
Why do medications never have any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medicine bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness"
 
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Eat Me......
 

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I'm a member of another forum, a member there (not me unfortunately) drew a highly coveted Shiras moose tag. After many days of scouting and hunting he took a break to go have a Chinese dinner with his son and found the following fortune cookie. He found the following moose the next morning. Currently I'm trying to find where I can get a bag of those fortune cookies .................. even though I'm not superstitious, just a little stitious.

FortuneCookie.jpg
FortuneBull.jpg
 
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Nick BOWKER HUNTING SOUTH AFRICA
Nick BOWKER HUNTING SOUTH AFRICA wrote on EGS-HQ's profile.
Hi EGS

I read your thread with interest. Would you mind sending me that PDF? May I put it on my website?

Rob
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85lc wrote on Douglas Johnson's profile.
Please send a list of books and prices.
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HENRY GRIFFITHS SAFARIS
HENRY GRIFFITHS SAFARIS
impala hunt!
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HENRY GRIFFITHS SAFARIS
HENRY GRIFFITHS SAFARIS
Black wildebeest hunted this week!
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C
Cwoody wrote on Woodcarver's profile.
Shot me email if Beretta 28 ga DU is available
Thank you
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