Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

A cowboy named Billy was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture in eastern Oregon when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

Billy looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Billy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Billy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Billy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter.

This is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog."

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.

"I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes."

"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother.

"We hadn't started eating yet."

I am thinking of calling in "Ghost Busters"

coz i am convinced that i live in a Haunted House.

Every time i look in the frekin' mirror, this old lady come in and stands i front of me and block out my reflection.

A small boy named Paddy lived in a rural village on the far Northern coast of County Donegal, Ireland. None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, ?You are driving me crazy Paddy!?

One day Paddy's mother arrived at the school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother that, honestly, her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and had never seen such a dumb boy in his entire teaching career.

The mother, who was not only shocked at the feedback but angry as well, withdrew her son from Christian Brother's Secondary School and even went as far as to move to County Sligo.

Twenty-Five years later, that same teacher was diagnosed with an incurable heart disease. All the doctors strongly advised him to have surgery, which only one surgeon could perform. Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which took place in Sligo and was successful.

When the teacher opened his eyes after the surgery, he saw a handsome doctor smiling down at him! He wanted to thank him, but could not talk. His face started to turn blue, he raised his hand, trying to tell him something, but he quickly died.

The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong. When he turned around, he saw Paddy, working as a cleaner in Sligo General Hospital, who had unplugged the patient's oxygen equipment to plug in his phone charger.

Now, don't tell me you thought that Paddy had become a Heart Surgeon

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard.

Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

A priest was invited to attend a house party. Naturally, he was properly dressed and wearing his priest's collar.

A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening. Finally, the priest asked the little boy what he was staring at. The little boy pointed to the priest's neck.

When the priest finally realized what the boy was pointing at, he asked him, "Do you know why I am wearing that?"

The boy nodded his head yes, and replied, "It kills fleas and ticks for up to three months."

Who was that lion?

“It was terrible”, moaned John upon entering the classroom a half hour late. “I left with plenty of time to arrive at school on time, but it was so slippery that every step I took, I slipped two steps back.” “Well,” said the teacher, with a suspicious look on his face, “how in the world did you get here at all?” “Well”, said the quick thinking student, “finally after twenty minutes I gave up and started heading home!”

An Irishman walked out of a bar....



Think about it

Two blondes are in a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A game warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first woman.

"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the game warden.

"But officer," replied the second girl, "we aren't fishing. All we have are magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The game warden lifted up the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," shrugged the game warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the game warden left.

As soon as he was out of sight, the women started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop! Doesn't he know that there are steelheads in this river?!"

Days out fishing with my boys in Colorado, summer and winter.

What is a ghosts favorite fruit?



Booberry!

A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."