on a lighter note...

[Hogpatrol]

Blonde Assisting a Trucker
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down......The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego? "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?”
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $200 for your trouble”.
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
"What are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $200 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo!”
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde. "But we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World.”

 

[Hogpatrol]

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's

morals kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused Tom, a new member,

of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told Tom (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing!
Tom, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He simply said nothing.
Later that evening, Tom quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house, walked home... and left it there all night.

(You gotta love Tom!)

 

[Hogpatrol]

A middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because, over the years they have become loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret and, of course, the surgeon agreed. Awakening from the anesthesia, she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately called in the surgeon.

"I thought I specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation"!

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. "I felt so sad for you, you went through this all by yourself."

"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and understood perfectly, as she had the same procedure done some time ago."

"And what about the third rose?" she asked.

"That's from a man in the burn unit - he wanted to thank you for his new ears”.

 

[observe]

 

[ArmyGrunt]

 

[Rob404]

 

[cpr0312]

 

[Rob404]

 

[broncolcj]

 

[observe]

c

 

[observe]

 

[observe]

 

[Hogpatrol]

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box." The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!" The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!"

 

[ArmyGrunt]

View attachment 227509

Parking.....you're doing it wrong

 

[Dr Ray]

View attachment 227468

Sounds familiar.

 

[Mort Hill]

Love getting my daily fix of humor here. Keeps the whole day on track!

 

[observe]

Oh my......

 

[Brent in Az]

Shhhh...

 

[Hogpatrol]

 

[ArmyGrunt]

Oh my......

View attachment 227518

Taxidermy....you're doing it wrong