Why we shoot deer in the wild:

Discussion in 'Humorous Jokes, Stories or Pictures' started by Bobpuckett, Mar 20, 2013.

  1. Bobpuckett

    Bobpuckett GOLD SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    (A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this)

    I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

    I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up-- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold.

    The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope, and then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

    That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

    A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

    I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

    Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ..... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

    The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

    It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

    That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

    Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp... I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

    This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

    Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

    I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope......to sort of even the odds!!

    All these events are true so help me God...An Educated Farmer
     

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  2. BRICKBURN

    BRICKBURN SUPER MODERATOR CONTRIBUTOR GOLD BENEFACTOR AH Ambassador

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    Damn right. I make sure the odds are very even every time I go out. You never know when some damn farmer has pissed a deer off!
     
  3. timbear

    timbear AH Enthusiast

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    I definitely believe the story! Deer are farmed in NZ, and I have seen first hand the injuries they can cause. When deer farming got started, they netted them from low flying helicopters, firing the net from a modified shotgun (plugs on 4 corners of the net went into 4 tubes, 2 each sticking sideways out of each barrel) and jumping after them. A patient of mine who did this for a while said too many of his friends got hurt or killed, so he looked for a safer job - and joined the SAS. Farmers have been killed by deer living in captivity. Horses will usually go around you, cattle mostly, but deer go right over top of you!:elch:
     
  4. observe

    observe CONTRIBUTOR AH Fanatic

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    very good! :thumb:
     
  5. Buff-Buster

    Buff-Buster GOLD SUPPORTER AH Elite

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    True Story

    A few years ago I took my wife, daughter and son-in-law to our deer lease during the spring. I rose before daylight Sat. morning, poured a cup of coffee and went outside to watch the sun come up. It had rained the previous night but had cleared off and as the light began to gather in the east, I could tell it was going to be a beautiful spring day in West Texas! I was the only one up this early so I decided to take the Kawasaki Mule for a spin and see what I could see until everyone else got up. I had gone about a half mile from camp and I came up on a 2 1/2 year old buck that had attempted to jump the 4ft sheep fence at the edge of the road. He had one of his rear legs caught between the top two strands of smooth wire above the sheep fencing. I had seen deer get caught like this before and the only way to free them is to cut one of the smooth strands of wire. The buck had not been there long, but I knew if he continued to struggle, basically upside down, like that he would eventually dislocate that leg. I turned around and headed to camp to get the tools I needed to free him. As I gathered, fencing pliers, a towel to cover his eyes to keep him calm as I freed him and some antibiotic cream, my son-in-law emerged from the cabin and asked what I was doing. He volunteered to go with me and help. When we got back to the buck, I went to the back of the Mule to get the towel to wrap around the buck head to keep him calm. All of the sudden all hell broke loose. I heard screams, bleats, fence rattling, the sound of something ripping and a few sounds that I didn't think were made by anything from this world. As I turned toward the sound, there was my son-in law with the buck in a death grip and blood was everywhere! The problem was I didn't know who's blood it was! When I ran over there with the towel, I quickley wrapped it around the bucks head, covering his eyes and he calmed right down. My son-in-law was sitting there with this upside down,100lb, three legged buck in his lap....grinning from ear to ear. His forehead was bleeding, his blue jeans were almost ripped off and his shirt was in shreds! All of this in about 5 seconds from a buck with only three usable legs caught in a fence! I hurried and cut the top strand of wire to free the buck, grabbed him from my son-in-law and lead him a little way away before turning him loose. He limped for the first hundred yards, gained speed and disappeared into the brush. My son-in-law was not as lucky! No stitches but his clothes were history and he looked like hell. Needless to say, I laughed my butt off all the way back to camp.
     

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