After every flight, pilots at UPS fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet', which tells the maintenance guys about problems with the aircraft. Maintenance guys then correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and pilots then review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an M) by maintenance crews. P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. M: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. P: Test flight OK,except auto-land very rough. M: Auto-land not insalled on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. M: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. M: Live bugs on back-order. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. M: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. M: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. M: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. M: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine 'missing'. M: Engine 'found' on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. M: Aircraft warned straighten up,fly right and be serious. P: Target radar hums. M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. M: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. M: Took hammer away from midget.