Old German Shepherd

Discussion in 'Humorous Jokes, Stories or Pictures' started by Bobpuckett, Aug 26, 2011.

  1. Bobpuckett

    Bobpuckett GOLD SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

    The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep sh*t now!"

    Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,

    "Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

    Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

    "Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

    Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

    The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

    The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

    Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...

    "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

    Moral of this story...

    Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
    Bull Sh*t and brilliance only come with age and experience.
     
  2. sestoppelman

    sestoppelman SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    Good joke! I like it.
     
  3. 35bore

    35bore AH Elite

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    Excellent, that was great.
     
  4. 35bore

    35bore AH Elite

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    You should enjoy this one.


    Favorite Movie Test

    Be honest and don't look at the movie list below till you have done the math!
    Try this test and find out what movie is your favorite.

    This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 18 movies you would enjoy the most.

    It really works!

    Movie Test:

    Pick a number from 1-9.

    Multiply by 3.

    Add 3.

    Multiply by 3 again.

    Now add the two digits of your answer together to find your predicted favorite movie in the list of 18 movies below.












    Movie List:

    1. Gone With The Wind
    2. E.T.
    3. Blazing Saddles
    4. Star Wars
    5. Forrest Gump
    6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly.
    7. Jaws
    8. Grease
    9. The Obama Farewell Speech of 2012
    10. Casablanca
    11. Jurassic Park
    12. Shrek
    13. Pirates of the Caribbean
    14. Titanic
    15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
    16. Home Alone
    17. Mrs. Doubtfire
    18. Toy Story

    Now, ain't that something...?
     
  5. sestoppelman

    sestoppelman SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    Outstanding!! What a hoot!
     
  6. enysse

    enysse AH Ambassador

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    Bob you kill me (lol)!
     
  7. Nyati

    Nyati AH Legend

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    :clap::clap:
     
  8. Joseph Snyder

    Joseph Snyder AH Senior Member

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    Ha! Excellent!:D 5/5!!!
     
  9. 35bore

    35bore AH Elite

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    I do like this approach!! Too bad none of our politicians can get this done...

    This was in the Waco Tribune Herald, Waco , TX Nov 18, 2010

    Put me in charge...

    Put me in charge of food stamps. I'd get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho's, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.

    Put me in charge of Medicaid. Unless you or your immediate family member is truly disabled, handicapped or otherwise unable to hold a job, the first thing I'd do is to get women Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we'll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine and document all tattoos and piercings. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, smoke or get tats and piercings, then get a job.

    Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks? You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your "home" will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place.

    In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a "government" job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the common good.

    Before you write that I've violated someone's rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules.. Before you say that this would be "demeaning" and ruin their "self esteem," consider that it wasn't that long ago that taking someone else's money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem.

    If we are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.

    AND While you are on Gov's subsistence, you no longer can VOTE! Yes that is correct. For you to vote would be a conflict of interest. You will voluntarily remove yourself from voting while you are receiving a Gov's welfare check. If you want to vote, then get a job.

    Now, if you have the guts - PASS IT ON...
     

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