How to Start a Fight

Discussion in 'Humorous Jokes, Stories or Pictures' started by Grady, Jan 22, 2013.

  1. Grady

    Grady AH Veteran

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    -------------------------------------------------
    One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
    The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
    When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

    And that's how the fight started....
    ________________________________

    I took my wife to a restaurant.

    The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
    "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
    He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
    "Nah, she can order for herself."

    And that's when the fight started...
    ______________________________

    My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, She kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

    I asked her, "Do you know him?"

    "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.

    I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

    "WOW" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

    And then the fight started...
    ________________________________

    When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting that I should get it fixed.

    But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer...
    Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
    When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

    I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

    I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

    The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
    ______________________________

    My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

    She asked, "What's on the TV?"

    I said, "Dust."

    And then the fight started..
    ________________________________

    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

    The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

    I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

    I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

    My loving wife of 15 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

    And that's how the fight started...
    _______________________________

    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

    She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

    I bought her a bathroom scale.

    And then the fight started......
    ______________________________
     
  2. sestoppelman

    sestoppelman SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    I laughed at every one. Thanks!!!!!
     
  3. Bobpuckett

    Bobpuckett GOLD SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    :laughing: I'll probably steal a few of these for FB.
     
  4. BRICKBURN

    BRICKBURN SUPER MODERATOR CONTRIBUTOR GOLD BENEFACTOR AH Ambassador

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    If I ever need to start a fight ...

    Thx
     
  5. Diamondhitch

    Diamondhitch AH Legend

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    LOL, first ting I did was forward this to my mother in law!

    That's how you start a fight!
     
  6. bluey

    bluey GOLD SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    love that first one grady
    but im sure every one of them would work
    :punch:
     
  7. Nyati

    Nyati AH Legend

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    :clap::clap::clap:
     

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