ENGINEERS..THEY LIVE AMONGST US..!

Discussion in 'Humorous Jokes, Stories or Pictures' started by DOC-404, Apr 29, 2013.

  1. DOC-404

    DOC-404 AH Elite

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    Understanding Engineers # One:

    Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
    The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
    The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

    Understanding Engineers # Two:

    To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
    To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
    To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

    Understanding Engineers # Three:

    A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
    The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
    The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
    He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us?
    They're rather slow, aren't they?"
    The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.
    They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
    The group fell silent for a moment.
    The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
    The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
    The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

    Understanding Engineers # Four:

    What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
    Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

    Understanding Engineers # Five:

    The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
    The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
    The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
    The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

    Understanding Engineers # Six:

    Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
    One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
    Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

    Understanding Engineers # Seven:

    Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
    Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

    Understanding Engineers # Eight:

    An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
    The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
    Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
    Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
    The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool
    -----
     
  2. bluey

    bluey GOLD SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    :laughing::laughing::laughing:
    seriously doco you need to email me that set its about the joke of the year and I must send it to 5 different engineers that I know
     
  3. Nyati

    Nyati AH Legend

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    Great, really great :clap::clap::clap:
     
  4. gillettehunter

    gillettehunter AH Fanatic

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    Hey Bluey. Just cut and paste. Thats what I'm going to do! If you don't know how send me a message and I'll walk you through it. Bruce
     
  5. spike.t

    spike.t GOLD SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    bloody hell bluey they are getting technical again, thought bruce was on about wall papering then........:biggrin2:
     
  6. Shakey

    Shakey GOLD SUPPORTER AH Veteran

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    Knock it off with the engineer jokes ....
     
  7. ikeda

    ikeda AH Veteran

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    An Engineer declares that it is good to have a wife AND a mistress, because each one assumes you are with the other one and you can go to the lab and get some work done.
     
  8. bluey

    bluey GOLD SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    ha ha ha
     

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