DADS ARMY...!

Discussion in 'Humorous Jokes, Stories or Pictures' started by DOC-404, Sep 20, 2012.

  1. DOC-404

    DOC-404 AH Elite

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    I am over 50 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards.

    Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.


    For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.


    Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while..


    An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.


    If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.


    Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.


    They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.


    Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.


    An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.


    These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.


    Let us old guys track down those terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off
    old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.
     
  2. adgunner

    adgunner SILVER SUPPORTER AH Enthusiast

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    Docman, myself and my more "seasoned" Army buddies couldn't agree more. Once we stop laughing, we might have to explain this joke to our younger comrades. Thanks for the laugh!
     
  3. Diamondhitch

    Diamondhitch AH Legend

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    Dont forget that a walker makes a deadly rest and a formidable weapon in hand to hand combat!
    No one messes with the walker brigade.
     
  4. observe

    observe CONTRIBUTOR AH Fanatic

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    :agree:
     
  5. Nyati

    Nyati AH Legend

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    :agree::machinegun:
     
  6. Ole Bally

    Ole Bally AH Enthusiast

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    Good plan Docman!! Just as long as I get my Viagra twice a day I'll be fine! I need it in the morning to stop myself peeing on my shoes and at night to prevent myself from falling out of bed!! ;0)
     
  7. DOC-404

    DOC-404 AH Elite

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    ..I'm not THAT old yet, Bud...I only use Viagra to keep the blankets off my legs when I'm sunburnt..! :biggrin2:
     
  8. Ole Bally

    Ole Bally AH Enthusiast

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    I thought you had said you used it to keep the end out the sand when stalking on all fours?! Heck there's nothing worse than sand in the muzzle! :blush:
     
  9. spike.t

    spike.t GOLD SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    funny thats what the wife says :tongue::laughing:
     
  10. 35bore

    35bore AH Elite

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    If it last for more that four hours "contact your doctor", hmmmm. If it last for more that four hours, it would be my wife that needs the doctor.;)
     
  11. Bobpuckett

    Bobpuckett GOLD SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    Ok ok 2 Viagra aday 1 month in the sand and the only woman I've seen you can't even see her face, where the hell is my target. :machinegun:
     
  12. RickB

    RickB AH Fanatic

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    Ok, that's funny!!
     
  13. PHOENIX PHIL

    PHOENIX PHIL AH Legend

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    A Jewish friend of mine is a pharmacist. He was telling me how that's a nice profession as he was able to secure a year's supply of Viagara about 6 months ago.
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    But much to his chagrin he still has both pills left!
     
  14. Ole Bally

    Ole Bally AH Enthusiast

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    Bob, did you hear about the new Captain in the French Foreign Legion? He was posted to a very remote post in the desert. A couple of weeks in, he approached his batman and asked him where the men get relief...the batman said , sir, there's a camel out back! Sheesh he thought to himself. A couple more weeks go by and the Captain gets seriously desperate. So he slips out back and brings the camel into his quarters. Stands on his bed backs the camel up, lifts the tail and gets busy. Just then the batman walks in and the captain says...is this how you guys do it too? No the batman replies, we ride the camel to town 10 miles away!
    Bob, you gotta lift the Burka brother!:bulb:
     

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