Bull Testis

Discussion in 'Humorous Jokes, Stories or Pictures' started by 35bore, Feb 22, 2011.

  1. James.Grage

    James.Grage GOLD SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul ,Afghanistan , several years before the Afghan conflict.

    She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

    She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem happy to maintain the old custom.

    Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'

    The woman looked Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, “Land Mines.”
  2. James.Grage

    James.Grage GOLD SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:


    1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

    2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

    3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)

    4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

    5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

    6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

    7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

    8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

    9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

    10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

    11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

    12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

    13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

    14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

    15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

    AND THE WINNER IS....

    16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
  3. James.Grage

    James.Grage GOLD SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident.

    The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

    When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.

    The couple sat and waited for an answer... For a couple of months.

    While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work?

    Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"

    Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

    "Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

    St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

    "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

    "OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea of how long it'll take to find a lawyer?"
  4. ndbwhnter

    ndbwhnter AH Enthusiast

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    Grew up on a ranch here in North Dakota and every spring when we would work the cattle and get them ready for summer pasture we would "cut" all the bull calves, turning them into steers.

    This activity was usually a pretty big deal, with lots of family and friends coming over to help. When we were done, we had a party. The main course was called "Rocky Mountain Oysters" a.k.a. bull testicles. Usually beer battered and deep fried.

    One of my best memories from growing up and as stated above, if prepared properly they are great. No guff.

    nd
  5. davidarizpe

    davidarizpe AH Veteran

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    You are rigth Bushbuck, it does sound cripy, sorry,,, but is true!!!!!!!!!!!
  6. ILCAPO

    ILCAPO AH Veteran

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    Yes, while living in Colorado I once saw this thing on a local steak restaurant menu called "Rocky Mountain Oysters." When I asked what they were I was told cattle balls! LOL! The waiter recommended I try them, saying they were good. Being adventurous, I did, and like you said, they were beer battered and deep fried, and surprisingly not bad. : )
  7. Bushbuck

    Bushbuck AH Enthusiast

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    Well if we ever meet up, I will do the cooking..ok
  8. davidarizpe

    davidarizpe AH Veteran

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    OK, but I will choose the Menu!!!!!!!!!!
  9. philip in china

    philip in china AH Member

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    I was looking at some Speer grand slam bullets for my .300 Winchester Magnum.
    "Are these good for leopard?" I asked naively.
    "No" said the dealer. "They kill them".
  10. 35bore

    35bore AH Elite

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    Hey guys, here's on for the road, plane leaves in about 9hrs for SA hunting with Koedoeberg. A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.

    Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

    "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.

    Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

    He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing?

    I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

    Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette.

    He looked at his watch, and then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes, today is Friday, if you can give me a new reason for speeding -- a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."

    The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.

    "Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
  11. enysse

    enysse AH Ambassador

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    Good Luck 35bore! Have a trip of a lifetime!

    And thanks for the new joke :).
  12. sestoppelman

    sestoppelman SILVER SUPPORTER AH Legend

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    Good one!! Have fun in Africa!
  13. 35bore

    35bore AH Elite

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    Osama Bin Laden had but one desire in life, he wanted to start a fish food company. Some dreams do come true.
  14. 35bore

    35bore AH Elite

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    GOD said ...



    On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

    The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

    So God agreed......

    On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."




    The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

    And God agreed......




    On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."


    The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

    And God agreed again......


    On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

    But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

    "Okay," said God. "You asked for it."

    So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

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