Bull Testis

Discussion in 'Humorous Jokes, Stories or Pictures' started by 35bore, Feb 22, 2011.

  1. 35bore

    35bore AH Elite

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    Cojones de Toro

    While a tourist was sipping his tequila at a restaurant in Cabo San Lucas, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious-looking platter being served at the next table.
    Not only did it look good, the aroma was wonderful.
    He asked the waiter, "Wha is that you just served?"
    "A, senor," the waiter replied, "you have excellent taste! Those are called
    'Cojones de Toro', the testicles from a bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
    It smelled so good, the tourist said, "What the heck, bring me an order."
    "I am so sorry, senor," said the waiter. "There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."
    The next morning, the tourist returned, and placed his order.
    That evening he was served the one and special delicacy of the day.
    After a few bites and inspecting his platter, he called the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the one I saw you serve yesterday."
    The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."
     
  2. browningbbr

    browningbbr AH Enthusiast

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    A French veterinarian was visiting an American colleague for a week. Each day they would visit a number of farms to treat animals and would stop at local restaurants for lunch.

    The first day, the restaurant they stopped at had "lamb fries" as the special. The American vet explained that lamb fries was the local term for lamb's testicles.

    The next day, the restaurant featured pig fries. Again, the American vet explained to his friend that these were the testicles from swine.

    The third day, the American vet used the restroom before sitting down for lunch. When he got to the table, his French buddy was no where to be seen.

    He asked the waitress where his friend had gone. She said, "All I did was tell him the specials for the day and he ran out the door." When the vet asked what the specials were, she said "French Fries".
     
  3. 35bore

    35bore AH Elite

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    Nice browningbbr, I like it.

    One more back at ya,

    A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,
    walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes,
    and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide.

    The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
    The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

    The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained,
    "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your
    husband, that's against the law?
    I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail!
    All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not!
    You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

    The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a
    picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife...
    The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,

    "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
     
  4. Bushbuck

    Bushbuck AH Enthusiast

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    testicle mutilation and husband killing jokes, are you sure you guys are not women?
     
  5. 35bore

    35bore AH Elite

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    I'm sure Bushbuck, just thought they were funny. Second joke involves killing of both cheating spouses. Still thought it was funny. My Italian gun buddy keeps sending these to me. Don't kill the messenger because of the message.lol.
     
  6. Bushbuck

    Bushbuck AH Enthusiast

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    They were, I just felt the pain..The kind we all feel when you see someone get kicked in the nuts..lol

    Sounds of summer, a true story.

    Whip-poor-will. Its a bird we have here in the east that is very vocal. During the mating season which is usually about the time that we start leaving the windows open, you can hear them loud and non stop. Whip-o-will whip-o-will, whip-o-will whip-o-will and on and on.... You get the point.

    So one day A friend bob shows up at the house and says he needs to borrow a shotgun. Whats up Bob? well he says, I got this Damn whip-o-will and he wont shut up. Every morning and evening he is outside my window, whip-o-will whip-o-will whip-o-will whip-o-will.

    So I tell him I like that bird, he says, yea my X-wife loved them to, now evertime I hear one I think of her and all I really hear is, wheres-the-check, wheres-the-check, wheres-the-check, wheres-the-check....
     
  7. 35bore

    35bore AH Elite

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    I can relate, that's why they are X's.
     
  8. 35bore

    35bore AH Elite

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    One more before I get the kids to bed, by the way I like this stuff, takes the edge off of all the bad in the world.

    Afternoon Sex


    The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

    He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

    - 'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.

    - 'An ambulance just drove by!'

    - 'Looks like the Andersons have company,' he called out.

    - 'Matt's riding a new bike!'

    - 'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'

    - 'Jason is on his skate board!'

    - After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are screwing!!'

    Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know they're screwing?'

    'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle.'
     
  9. Bushbuck

    Bushbuck AH Enthusiast

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    Hey! my kids read this site..










    I dont want them to know about the popsicle trick.
     
  10. enysse

    enysse AH Ambassador

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    Oh Scott, that's too much (lol)!
     
  11. 35bore

    35bore AH Elite

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    Bushbuck, I am glad I scrolled down, really thought the last one offended you. Kids are not going to sleep by the way. 15 minutes I told them, hmmmmmmm.........
     
  12. Spiral Horn Safaris

    Spiral Horn Safaris AH Fanatic

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    LOL you guys are too much, I am putting Giraffe testis in the menu as of this year you shoot it you eat it watch out Tom!:clap:

    Best Regards
    Louis van Bergen
     
  13. 35bore

    35bore AH Elite

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    Here's one that involves no death and no mutalation.

    THE PERFECT HUSBAND
    Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
    MAN: "Hello"
    WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
    MAN: "Yes."
    WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat.
    It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"
    MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
    WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."
    MAN: "How much?"
    WOMAN: "$90,000."
    MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
    WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market.
    They're asking $980,000 for it."
    MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."
    WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
    MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
    The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in
    astonishment, mouths wide open.
    He turns and asks, "Anyone know who's phone this is?"
     
  14. 35bore

    35bore AH Elite

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    Louis, If i ever have the oppourtunity to hunt with you, I will eat the left one, right after you eat the right one. how's that for a deal, LOL, Scott.
     
  15. hunting

    hunting AH Enthusiast

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    Try them this way, once you do have the testicles cleaned cut it in thin slices cut a few mushrooms in thin slices add everything in a frying pan together with half a spoon crushed garlic , freshly squeeze lemon juice some salt and butter fry them until brown you can eat them this way
    Johan
     
  16. 35bore

    35bore AH Elite

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    hunting, is this good for whitetail as well? To be honest, this is a part of a buck that hit's the side of a tree first when I am field dress. Don't BS me, if you say it is good I wil try it next deer season.
     
  17. Spiral Horn Safaris

    Spiral Horn Safaris AH Fanatic

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    LOL Scott well I was kind of hoping I could get the left one, but it’s a deal!:p

    Johan thanks for providing a recipe now people won’t have to eat them raw LOL, honestly I think if the person who prepares them knows what he is doing they are not too bad but I have never had one’s that I will reheat for breakfast the next morning LOL.

    Best Regards
    Louis van Bergen
     
  18. ILCAPO

    ILCAPO AH Veteran

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    "testicle mutilation and husband killing jokes, are you sure you guys are not women?"

    ROTFLMAO!!!!

    :laughing: :crazylol: :rofl:
     
  19. davidarizpe

    davidarizpe AH Veteran

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    I can tell you they(testis) are very good, they are called, "criadillas" in Spain and in Mexico, but the good part is about 30% of the whole thing, you have to slice, (fillet) and discard the outher part, so is not really worth it in deer, but if you really want to try them, they are very good, but it takes some knowledge to prepare them rigth. if you want a detailed step by step plan, I can see to it, just email me, davidarizpe@hotmail.com
     
  20. Bushbuck

    Bushbuck AH Enthusiast

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    David you scare me..
     

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