What the hell is wrong with me, I must have some kind of a screw loose or something. Here I sit broke as a joke rummaging through all of my change to see if I can come up with enough money for a can of chew. The real problem is that I am not actually broke, but all of the money I have left until payday is in my Africa account. This has me thinking about all of the things I do just to get back to Africa for a week or two. My wife has been telling me for a while that there is definitely some mental disconnect between me and reality but until now I thought it was she with the disconnect. When I buy clothes I use a simple criteria, they must be green, tan, camo, and cheap. I buy my winter clothes in the summer and my summer clothes in the winter (off the sale rack). My wife seems to have some weird sense of fashion and often insists that two shades of green don’t necessarily make a matching outfit. I have tried to set her straight on this issue so many times but all to no avail. She wastes all lot of time every morning deciding what to wear, not me, I buy five identical olive drab shirts and I know exactly what I’m wearing tomorrow. My point is you don’t have to waste a lot of money on clothes. Cars are a BIG waste of money. I don’t know how many guys in big fancy 4x4 trucks ask me how I can afford to go to Africa, duh… if you waste all your money on truck payments and insurance you’ll never be able to afford a safari. I drive a 1988 Chevy half ton 2 wheel drive. I don’t need a 4x4 because my friend has one. When I get stuck I just give him a call and before I can say “remember that time at the strip joint” he’s pulled me out and I’m back on the road. Six or eight years ago I developed a little bit rust problem but I found that a rolled up pair of socks keeps the dust and the wasps out. Since it is on the passenger side the guy I park beside at work is nice enough to let me know when I need to change socks. Guns…. Probably better not go there in case my wife ever reads this. Speaking of wives, nothing more expensive than a wife. Mine has this thing about groceries; she thinks they are more important than the Africa fund. Most people can live without a meal every now and then. Shoes, how many pairs do you need? The answer of course is two, summer boots and winter boots. This was another point of contention between my wife and I so in order to show that I am a team player I went out and bought her a new pair. I went to the shoe department at Wal-Mart and bought her a pair of flip flops that had a rhinestone glued on the front. She was pissed when I gave them to her complaining about a cheap pair of flip flops. I on the other hand explained to her that these were not flip flops but in fact they are decorative slip ons. Wow, I am glad I took the time to write this all out, sometimes just seeing it all on paper makes it so much clearer. After reading all my comments I see that I am after all the voice of reason and that I have nothing to worry about. Now if you will excuse me I need to go lift the cushions on the couch and see if I can find another quarter.